


Things It Said To Me

by PrincessMuk



Series: Things They Said To Me [1]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bullying, But shhh, Drama, Eventual Romance, Heavy Angst, I swear I don’t hate anyone, I'm Sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm such a terrible person for all the shit I put the readers and the characters through, M/M, No Smut, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Romance, Post-Squip, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sad Michael, Sad Rich, Sad everyone, Triggering Subjects, a rape attempt via squip, and does things, because of the content, boyf riends — Freeform, but I continued it, but uh the squip is super evil, heated stuff sometimes, honestly the worst thing i've ever written, i mean we all know it's not platonic, implied cutting, it's so bad, kinda platonic, like actually so sorry, meremy, ok a lot later on, originally a one shot, reference to what was basically a rape attempt, sad Christine, squip is here, squip is kinda here but not really, squip!jeremy, suicide mentioned, that's contradicting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-29
Updated: 2018-04-26
Packaged: 2019-01-26 07:07:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 26,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12551896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrincessMuk/pseuds/PrincessMuk
Summary: Original one shot summary: Ever since the SQUIP incident, Jeremy has been having nightmares, and his confidence has plummeted. One night, he decides he can't handle it alone anymore. Leave it to Michael to save the day! (Rating has gone up!) Formerly Rated T for references to depression, implied talk of suicide, says the word s** once. Also it's really sad.Full work summary: Jeremy struggles to deal with himself after the SQUIP incident, and when things start going wrong in his life, there is only one possible conclusion as to why . . .Rated M for language, innuendos, possibly triggering subjects, depression, mentions of implied cutting/suicide attempts, and a rape attempt (that does not actually happen! It's still triggering, though.) It's very dark . . . so M.





	1. Nightmares

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first BMC fanfic! I hope you like it :)

_Everything about you is so terrible._  
  
_Everything about you makes me want to die._  
  
_You're a loser._  
  
_You're ugly._  
  
_Nerd._  
  
_Everyone in the mall thinks you're a slob._  
  
_Your life is pitiful._  
  
_Do more push-ups._  
  
_Fix your posture._  
  
_Stop stuttering._  
  
_Stop fidgeting._  
  
_Repeat after me._  
  
_Date this girl, have sex with another._  
  
_You can be with Christine._  
  
_Be a man._  
  
_Take the upgrade._  
  
_Take it now._  
  
_Listen to me._  
  
_LISTEN TO ME._  
  
_YOU CAN'T GET RID OF ME THAT EASILY._  
  
_I'M STILL HERE._  
  
Jeremy gasped, eyes opening as he flung up into a sitting position. Beads of sweat dripped down his forehead as he breathed heavily, clenching at the fabric near his chest. He stared at the floor beyond his blankets in his dark bedroom, blinking rapidly and shaking. He gulped, fumbling around until he found his phone. He turned it on, the dim light doing nothing to make him feel safer. He typed in his password quickly, going into the phone app. He pressed Michael's name, the phone vibrating in his hands.  
  
It took a moment for the call to be answered, a groggy "hello?" coming from the other end.  
  
"M-Michael, hey, it's Jeremy!" Jeremy said, wincing at how weak and pathetic he sounded. "Do you think I could come over?" _Please say yes. Please don't ask why. Please just say yes._  
  
"Uh, yeah, sure . . . " Michael answered, sounding more awake than before. "You okay, buddy?"  
  
"Uh, kinda . . . not really . . . " Jeremy sighed, already getting up. "I just . . . don't want to be alone."  
  
"Um, yeah, okay, I understand." Michael said, though Jeremy was sure he didn't. Jeremy could hear a rustle coming from the other end, "I'll set up a mattress for y--"  
  
"Actually, can I  . . . can I sleep with you?" Jeremy felt stupid saying it as he left his room, the fact he was only wearing boxers barely registering.  
  
There was a beat before Michael answered, "y-yeah, sure." Jeremy was sure deep down he didn't care, they were best friends after all, but his anxiety said otherwise. There was another beat. "You wanna talk about it?"  
  
Jeremy shook his head, walking down the stairs, "not right now. Maybe when I get there."  
  
"Okay." Michael paused. "Wait, how are you getting here?"  
  
"Um . . . walking?" Jeremy hadn't really thought about it. He just needed someone with him . . . he couldn't stand being alone. Not after that nightmare. He knew all too well he couldn't handle it alone.  
  
"No, no, you aren't walking a mile alone in the middle of the night. I'll come to pick you up." Michael said firmly.  
  
Jeremy sighed. He really was helpless. "Okay . . . I'll be sitting in front of my door."  
  
"Fine." Jeremy could hear Michael opening his front door. "But have a blanket or something, I don't want you to get hypothermia waiting for me."  
  
"It's like forty degrees . . . " Jeremy mummbled, grabbing a blanket out of the linen closet.  
  
"Actually, it's twenty. And you can never be too careful," there was a sound of a car starting as Michael responded, and then the phone call ended.  
  
Jeremy sighed, opening his door and letting it close behind him as he sat down on the barely raised porch. Michael would be there soon. Then he'd be okay . . . hopefully. Jeremy realized he was still shaking. He brought his knees up to his chest, wrapping the blanket around himself tightly.

* * *

 

  
It was only a few minutes before Michael's PT Cruiser pulled into Jeremy's driveway, the headlights almost blinding him for a moment. The lights dimmed as Michael parked, opening his door and walking over to Jeremy with a concerned expression.  
  
"Jeremy, what's going on?" Michael asked, noticing the shaking and his best friend's pale face as he helped him up.  
  
Jeremy looked at the ground, holding the blanket around himself closely. "Just . . . just a nightmare." He stayed close to Michael until they had to part ways to get into their respective seats in the car. Jeremy sat down, not caring about his seatbelt as Michael did the same. "I just . . . I don't think I can be alone."  
  
"It's okay, buddy." Michael said, his tone soft as he put the car into drive. He gave another concerned look to Jeremy, reaching over to turn on his seat heater before backing into the empty road. He kept his eyes on the road as they drove, taking a few quick glances to the male next to him, who was looking out the window with glossy eyes. Michael could see the reflection of Jeremy in the window, which somehow made the entire thing even sadder, before he looked back to the road.  
  
They pulled into Michael's driveway, Michael taking the key out quickly. He got out of the car, going to Jeremy's side to help him out. Jeremy once again kept close to the dark-haired teen, blanket dragging along the concrete. Michael opened the door, the two of them going into his room quickly. Michael brushed the few things on his bed off the sheets, pulling back the blanket for Jeremy. Jeremy got in the twin bed, and Michael got in next to him. It was a tight space, and they had to sort of spoon to fit, but neither boy minded.

* * *

 

Jeremy seemed to calm down after a few minutes of silent snuggling, his breaths quieter and the shaking stopping. Internally, he was still frightened. He stared at the smooth wall, afraid of what he might see if he closed his eyes again. "Michael, I'm sorry."  
  
"Sorry?" Michael blinked a few times, lifting his head up a bit. "For what?"  
  
"For making you do all this . . . I would have gone to Christine or something but I didn't think we were close enough yet, and--" Jeremy rambled, looking down at the mattress.  
  
"It's nothing, Jeremy." Michael shook his head, rubbing the other's arm lightly with his thumb. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked for the second time.  
  
Jeremy nodded, seeming to almost melt at the other's touch. "I just . . . " Jeremy sighed. "I've been having these nightmares ever since the SQUIP incident."  
  
Michael nodded, prodding the other to go on.  
  
"Just . . . all the things that happened, and everything it said . . . " Jeremy shook his head, snuggling into the other more. "It's like it's still happening. Like it's still there."  
  
"Oh, Jeremy . . . " Michael frowned, holding him closer, "why didn't you say anything? It's been like a month."  
  
"I thought they would go away . . . but it's just gotten worse." Jeremy admitted. He knew why they nightmares hadn't stopped. It was all true. Everything the SQUIP had told him about himself was true. He was a loser. It took Jeremy a moment to realize he was crying. Jeremy covered his face, ashamed.  
  
Michael hugged Jeremy tighlty, "Jeremy, it's okay. But you should really talk to someone about this . . . "  
  
"What am I supposed to say, Michael?" Jeremy cried, "that an illegal supercomputer from Japan told me I was worthless? Told me everything I already knew was true?"  
  
Michael gasped, "Jeremy . . . that's not true at all."  
  
"It _is_ , Michael. I . . . I _suck_." Jeremy's voice cracked. "I fell for everything it said . . . I hurt you, and I'm . . . I'm a loser."  
  
Michael sat up, and Jeremy tensed, turning over to look at his best friend. Michael's face was red, Jeremy assumed it was anger, (maybe embarassment?) as his brows lowered. Jeremy's heart beat faster. Jeremy slowly sat himself up as well, almost afraid to have Michael towering over him like that, and the blanket slid off his back. Michael put his hands on Jeremy's bare shoulders, and Jeremy gasped, his eyes going to Michael's hands. He looked back at Michael.  
  
"Jeremy." Michael started, sounded more determined than Jeremy had ever heard him. "You are _not_ a loser. You're . . . you're the coolest guy I know. You're smart, you're funny, you're there for me . . . does that sound like a loser to you?"  
  
Jeremy's heart beat faster and faster. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop looking at Michael, especially with Michael maintaining constant eye contact. "But . . . but look at everything I did. I hurt everyone."  
  
Michael sighed, breaking eye contact for just a second. He looked back to Jeremy, "listen, everybody makes mistakes. But you saved everyone! You fixed it."  
  
"But . . . " Jeremy didn't know what else to argue. Maybe Michael was right . . . maybe he wasn't a loser.  
  
_You really think he's telling the truth? You hurt him the most. Michael is too nice for his own good. You're ugly. Pitiful. Nerd. Loser._  
  
Jeremy hadn't realized, but he'd been quietly repeating everything he'd been thinking. He was crying again. Oh god, he _was_ a loser. Jeremy fell into Michael, who gasped, but wrapped his arms around Jeremy. Jeremy cried into Michael's sweatshirt, and god, everything _hurt_.  
  
_You don't deserve Michael._  
  
Jeremy cried harder. He was such a loser. He wasn't manly at all . . . he was crying! He was an embarrassment. Michael held him tighter, whispering "it's okay" and "just let it out" like a mantra.  
  
_Everything about you is so terrible._  
  
"Everything about me is just terrible . . . " Jeremy whispered, face buried in Michael's chest.  
  
_Everything about you makes me want to die._  
  
"Everything about me makes me want to die . . . " Jeremy's voice cracked again, more tears staining the soft red fabric covering Michael.  
  
Michael pulled Jeremy away from him, staring intently at his wet, puffy face. His hair was sticking to his forehead, a mixture of snot and salty tears covering everywhere below his eyes. Michael's eyes seemed to glisten as he spoke. "Jeremy, _never_ say that about yourself. You are so amazing. Everyone _loves you_."  
  
_Don't listen to him. You're a loser. That's all you'll ever be._  
  
"Micheal, how can you say that?" Jeremy sniffed, "we both know it's not true."  
  
" _Jeremy_." Just the way Michael said his name caught Jeremy's attention. "Stop it. You . . . you're the most amazing person I've ever known, Jeremy. I'd never be able to get through high school without you. Heck, I'd probably be dead by now if it wasn't for you." _Dead? Michael hadn't . . . had he? He'd said he was okay . . . How had Jeremy not known?_ "The point is, nobody blames you for what happened, Jeremy. It wasn't your fault. The things the SQUIP told you weren't true. It was just trying to get you to a point where you believed your only option was to do what it wanted."  
  
Jeremy slowly nodded, staring into Michael's eyes. He didn't know what to say. Nobody had ever told him any of those things before . . . well, now that he thought about it, Michael had said he was amazing a number of times. Maybe not with as much sincerity, but he'd still said it nonetheless. Michael really _was_ great. Did he tell him that enough?  
  
"Michael, I'm sorry." Jeremy said, tears gone at this point. "I shouldn't have kept this all to myself. And I shouldn't have done all those things to you before."  
  
"It's okay, Jeremy." Michael gave a soft smile. "You already apologized about a million times . . . and I probably would have done the same thing. Doesn't mean it's the right thing, though."  
  
Jeremy let out a heavy sigh, falling back onto the bed. "What did I ever do to deserve a best friend like you, Michael?"  
  
"You were yourself," Michael decided, laying down himself, "that's all you had to do."  
  
Jeremy stared up at the ceiling, smiling slightly. "You're the best, Michael."  
  
"You too."  
  
And with that, Michael wrapped his arms around Jeremy once again, before both boys fell sound asleep.


	2. Flinch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy is still dealing with some aftermath from the SQUIP, but can he tell Michael? And why does his chest hurt so much?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of you guys asked me to continue this, so I've decided to! I have a little bit of a plot going, but it's not going to be anything super planned out, it's just for fun!

Jeremy awoke the next morning, the sunlight streaming in through the window. Litte particles of dust floated around in the light. It took Jeremy's eyes a moment to adjust to the brightness of the room. He usually had his blinds closed . . . wait . . . his walls weren't painted cream . . .

Where was he again?

Oh. Right.

The soft fabric on Michael's sweatshirt brought Jeremy back to the present. He remembered everything . . . the nightmare, how he'd called Michael, and how great Michael had been at comforting him . . . damn, he was a good friend. He needed to tell Michael that more often.

_"Heck, I'd probably be dead by now if it wasn't for you."_

Jeremy really needed to make Michael feel more worthy. He couldn't have his best friend, his _favorite person_ be feeling so terrible all of the time.

Speaking of feeling terrible . . . Jeremy couldn't ignore the weird feelings all throughout his body. It almost . . . hurt. Like sadness. Like a shock. Like a stomach ache that just wouldn't go away. His heart was almost fluttering, but it was more like it was aching . . . what was going on?

Jeremy couldn't help but snuggle into Michael again. Michael was holding on to him pretty gently, but his leg had gone over Jeremy sometime in the night to hold him closer. It made Jeremy feel safer, just to have Micahel hold him. But he knew this couldn't last forever. Jeremy nudged his face into Michael's chest softly in a sort of attempt to wake him, though the moment he realized how gay that was he froze self-consciously. The movement must have woken Michael, however, because Jeremy heard a small noise before Michael shifted and wrapped his arms around Jeremy fully.

"Michael?" Jeremy said softly.

"Mm?" Michael's eyes were still closed, Jeremy could tell he wasn't completely awake yet.

"Thank you . . . for last night." Jeremy was almost mumbling, though he was sure Michael could still hear him.

"You're welcome . . . " Michael replied, starting to sound a bit more awake. "That's what best friends are for," Jeremy could hear the smile on his face.

"No, really, you're . . . awesome." Jeremy breathed, gripping the fabric a bit. He wished they could be closer. Or that there were more blankets. Why was he so cold lately, anyway?

"You too, Jer," Michael ran a hand through Jeremy's hair. "You okay now?"

No. Not at all. Michael had helped a bit, yes, but Jeremy still felt . . . off. But could he tell Michael that? Of course not. He didn't wasnt to worry him even more than he already had. "Yes."

"That's good . . ." Michael yawned. "You wanna get up and eat? We have your favorite: blueberry pancakes," Michael smiled, saying the last part with a sing-songy tone.

Jeremy lifted his head, "yeah, that sounds good."

Michael nodded, waiting for Jeremy to get up. After a moment more of snuggling, Jeremy did just that, grabbing his blanket as well. Michael got out of the bed a second later, stretching before he flashed Jeremy a grin. "Alright, up the stairs we go!"

"Yayyy . . . " though his tone was a bit sarcastic, Jeremy gave a soft smile. Then, as he felt himself slouching, Jeremy flinched, straightening up as if he was being shocked again. It almost felt like he was. He'd gotten used to feeling this way. He knew the SQUIP was gone, he really did, but all month, along with the nightmares, all he could feel was . . . scared. He followed Michael up to the ground floor of the house and to the kitchen, which was pretty clean for Michael having been on his own for the week (his parents were on a business trip in Cleveland). Jeremy sat down, realizing that under the blanket, all he was wearing were his boxers. No wonder he was so cold. Feeling a bit self-conscious now, Jeremy wrapped the blanket tightly around himself, wishing he had one of those Snuggie things.

It was only a few minutes before Jeremy was being served blueberry pancakes. He ate them slowly, not wanting to seem greedy. Michael, on the other hand, was eating them like he'd never eaten before in his life. It almost made Jeremy laugh, but he still . . . hurt. God, why did he feel so much pain? He hadn't felt this bad since he took the SQUIP. Well, maybe that hurt more, but this pain, this drawn out build up? It was so much worse.

"They good?" Michael asked, seeming to notice how slowly Jeremy was eating.

"What? Yeah, yeah, they're great." Jeremy smiled, taking another bite. "Thank you."

"Hey, dude . . . " Michael began after a second. "You know you can talk to me, right?"

"Yeah, of course I do. That's why I came to you last night," Jeremy replied, for some reason wanting to avoid eye contact.

_Sit up straight._

Jeremy instantly straightened his posture, worried about what might happen if he didn't. Wait . . . no . . . he needed to stop freaking out. Nothing was going to happen to him. He was fine. He really needed to fix the flinching before somebody noticed . . . that is, assuming nobody had noticed over the span of a _month_.

"Jer?"

"Mm? Yeah?" Jeremy blinked, raising a brow. Had he done something wrong? Crap, he'd probably been acting weird. And wait, he was still just wearing boxers, wasn't he?

"You just seem a little . . . " Michael paused. "Flinchy."

"I'm fine," Jeremy insisted, though he wasn't quite sure he was. "Just need to keep up my posture so I don't become the next hunchback of Notre Dame, haha . . . " Was that a good joke? Was that the time for a joke? Did it lighten the mood? Jeremy hoped it did.

Michael seemed at a loss for words, Jeremy could tell, so it was no surprise when he just laughed along with Jeremy, though it was nothing like old times. Could Jeremy even call it that? It had been only a month or so since the SQUIP incident, and Jeremy was proud to say that things were mostly normal . . . he had a few new friends now, and though he was sure some part of Michael resented him for being so cruel, they were still pretty good friends. Last night was a perfect example of that. The only thing that really seemed wrong to Jeremy was, well, _him_. His stupid nightmares that made him fall asleep in class. His old habits that just couldn't go away for fear of being shocked. The constant reminders of what he'd done any time he saw the others that had been squipped. And now, these weird, weird feelings. But things were the same, mostly. Still, there was something different . . . and it wasn't just leftover tension from the whole evil-computer-from-Japan-trying-to-take-over-the-world thing.

"So, uh," Michael started a bit sheepishly as they finished their breakfast, "you wanna stay over, or . . . ?"

"Ah, man, I want to, but . . . I'm sort of still grounded. I need to get home before my dad comes back for his lunch break and finds out I'm gone." Jeremy scratched his head. "I'll be fine though. And we can hang out another time, right?" Jeremy offered a smile.

Michael seemed understanding enough, though Jeremy could see the hurt in his eyes. It had been a while since they'd hung out for a full day due to Jeremy being grounded, and a lot of the time he spent with friends was with Christine since she was sort of his girlfriend now. He felt terrible, though. What if things were never the same?

"I'll drive you back," Michael said, getting up from his chair and taking both their plates to the sink. "Also, you might want to put on some clothes before your dad gets back. He'll think you had Christine over or something," he chuckled a bit dryly, smirking as he looked to Jeremy.

It made Jeremy happy that they could still joke like this. He didn't want to be hypersensitive to everything, though, by the way things had been going, it seemed he was. But this, the wonderful dynamic he and Michael shared? The core of it was still the same. Jeremy just wished he could figure out which part was off.

"Yeah, har har har," Jeremy got up, wrapping the blanket a bit tighter around himself. "You know very well that we haven't even kissed yet, Michael."

"Of course you haven't," Michael chuckled, "if you had I would be the first to know. You'd never shut up about it."

Did he really talk about Christine that much? Was he annoying? Probably. Crap.

"So uh, car?" Michael's brow rose as he grabbed the keys off the hook on the wall, his lips curving up into a small smile.

"Yeah, yeah," Jeremy returned the smile, walking over to the door Michael was now holding open. "Let's go." Michael closed the door behind Jeremy, walking to the car and opening the door. Jeremy gave a small smile and a thank you, sitting in the seat and turning on the heater.

Michael got into his seat and put the keys in, adjusting the mirror. His tongue stuck out a bit as he concentrated on getting it just right,  which Jeremy could admit was a little cute. Not in a gay way, though. Obviously. Why did he keep thinking that everything was gay today?

As they began to drive in a (mostly) comfortable silence -- besides the ever-present radio, of course, Jeremy could feel his chest begin to stir in pain, it was almost electric, and his hand went up to his chest, trying to feel for his heartbeat to make sure he was still alive. Which was silly, of course he was alive. But that didn't stop him from being terrified, and that didn't stop the pain. It wasn't drawn-out anymore, this was sudden, and spiking.

"Jeremy, you okay?" Michael asked, concerned as he spared a glance towards Jeremy.

"Yeah, yeah . . ." Jeremy lied through his clenched teeth. He took a breath, "just a headache, sorry. No big deal."

"Alright . . ." Michael tapped his finger on the wheel along with the beat of the soft music. "Tell me if it gets worse, okay? I'll buy you some medicine or something."

"I-I will . . . " Jeremy forced a weak smile, trying to breathe normally. Damn, this hurt. "Y-you don't need to do that, though."

"Of course I do," Michael insisted, "I'm your best friend."

"Yeah . . . you are . . . " Jeremy tried to let out a laugh, but it barely came out. Why did it feel like he was being burned alive? Oh thank god, they were pulling into his driveway. "I've gotta go, see you!" Jeremy almost lept out of the car, running into his house and slamming the door shut. It probably made Michael a bit upset, but god _damn_ did his chest hurt.

Suddenly, it stopped. Wait, was Jeremy on the floor now? Great. Just great. He was probably having a panic attack or something. And he'd just left the only person in the area who could help him through it.

But wait, if he was having a panic attack, then why did the pain go away? Did he just slip and fall?

_Need help?_

Jeremy froze. There, standing above him, was a man holding out his arm. As the man shifted, and the light above his head stopped making his features so hard to figure out, Jeremy realized exactly why he'd been hurting so much.

It was back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bet all of you knew this was going to happen XD


	3. Advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The SQUIP is back, and Jeremy doesn't know what to do. Panic? Run? Drink? All viable options. Too bad he won't get to try them out.

"Wha-w-wha-what are you doing here?" Jeremy was shaking as he backed into the wall, watching as the Keanu Reeves look-alike rose a brow and took back his hand.

The SQUIP straighted his tie, though it aready looked perfecy, and gave a small smile. "Jeremy Heere. What a warm welcome."

"We . . . we defeated you. Christine, she--she drank the Mountain Dew Red . . . " Jeremy stuttered, heart beating faster than it ever had before. He desperately wished Michael was still with him. Then again, he wasn't sure if he wanted anyone to know about this. He'd already caused one mess before . . . what was he going to do? Panic? Run? Drink? All viable options. The question was which one would be the most effective. He had to find a way to get rid of this thing for good.

The SQUIP chuckled. "I'm inside your brain, Jeremy, remember? I know everything you're thinking. I told you I'd be back . . . " he smiled once again, "I just had to wait a little while to . . . recharge." He paused. "Now that I'm at full power again, we can get right to work."

"W-work?" Jeremy questioned. "With what? Because there is no way I'm letting you take over--"

"I'm going to get you the person you most desire." The SQUIP said simply.

"I-I'm already dating Christine, no thanks to you, so--"

"Ah, not Christine." He gave a small chuckle, looking up at the ceiling for a moment as if trying to understand how someone cold be so oblivious. He looked back to Jeremy, holding eye contact. "I think you know what I'm talking about, Jeremy. After all, you didn't go to  _Christine_ for help when you had nightmares, did you?"

"You . . . you mean _Michael?"_ Jeremy blinked. "N-no. No! This isn't about any of that, you just want to hurt everyone, and I can't just sit here and watch you do it!" Jeremy said, a newfound confidence taking him over as he rose to his feet. "I'll hurt _myself_ if I have to . . . this is all my fault anyways."

The SQUIP just raised a brow, looking almost impressed. "I see. So you're not going to comply? No easy agreements to everything I say this time?"

"Of course not! I'm never listening to you, never again!" Jeremy said, shoving his finger at the SQUIP's chest.

"Alright then," the man said, and he was gone.

Was . . . was it really that easy? Did Jeremy just defeat an all-powerful super computer by just refusing to listen to it?

If only that were the case.

The next thing Jeremy new, he was on the ground again, screaming at the top of his lungs as the world faded to black.

* * *

Jeremy was vaguely aware that he'd gone to bed recently, which was backed up by the fact that he'd just woken up. It was early in the morning. He was wearing pajamas and his blanket was strew across his legs like he'd be restless in the night. Slowly, he remembred that he'd just been awake a few minutes ago, or at least it seemed like a few minutes ago, and he was sure it had been morning then, too. What day was it again? Jeremy scrabmled to find his phone, seeing that it was December 20th. He'd been sure it was the 19th, but he was probably just confused. He noticed the many notifications he had, and he began to read them as his eyes fully adjusted to the world around him. There were a few YouTube subscriptions, and one or two emails, a message from PornHub saying he was blocked from the site (why? how could that even happen?) and a string of messages from Michael. He slid one across the screen, opening iMessage so he could see all of them in order.

> **Yo, dude, you ok???**
> 
> **News is spreading fast about what happened**

What was Michael talking about? Did everyone find out about his nightnamares? Going to Michael's house? No, that didn't make any sense . . .

> **Like, I'm pretty sure Jenna told the whole school**
> 
> **And the whole state**
> 
> **And the next state**
> 
> **It's all over Twitter**
> 
> **And facebook (who uses that?)**
> 
> **Anyways, you good?**
> 
> **Hello?**
> 
> **You alive?**
> 
> **Jer?**

The messages were from twelve hours ago. But hadn't Jeremy been with Michael twelve hours ago? None of this made sense.

> **Jeremy Isaiah Heere!!!**
> 
> **I stg if you don't answer me I am going to your house and forcing you to tell me what the hell is going on!**

There was a reply from Jeremy's phone. But he didn't remember writing it.

> _I'll text you later. I need to process things first. But everything is fine, I promise <3_

Since when did he use emoticons like that?

> **Okay... ttyl then**

Jeremy was even more confused now than he was before he checked his phone. What was going on? Did he do something wrong? That was a stupid question, of course he had. He'd been doing things wrong all month. It was only a matter of time before it all caught up to him. Jeremy let out a small sigh, getting up to throw some water in his face. When he looked in the mirror, he saw his very faint scars form where the SQUIP used to shock him on his neck were now visible, the discolored skin having an almost blue tint to it, though it was probably jus the light. Or his veins. Jeremy pulled down his shirt and saw them spread down his body, and arms, even down to his legs. He wondered what had caused them to be so promintent now . . . was it aftermath form the SQUIP finally being gone? It was gone, right? He'd told it off and it had self-distructed or something? That was the only explanation Jeremy wanted to believe. Jeremy bit his lip, then splashed his face. He turned off the sink and went back to his room, picking up his phone once again.

> _Hey man, can you come over?_

Michael's response was almost instantaneous.

> **Yeah, just give me five minutes.**

Jeremy sent a quick "ok" before he realized he should probably put on some clothes instead of some lame pajamas. He opened his closet and tried to find something that didn't remind him of the SQUIP's fashion sense, something completely Jeremy, and once he did, he put it on in a matter of seconds. It wasn't long before Michael came into his room, not even bothering to knock on his front door.

"Dude, what's going on? You okay?" Michael asked, scanning the male worridely.

"Yeah, I think so, I  . .  I think I blacked out a bit when you dropped me off yesterday. I'm a bit dazed." Jeremy explained, figuring the truth was the best option here. How else would he figure out what was going on?

But Michael just rose a brow, looking even more confused than Jeremy felt. "Yesterday? But you . . . you weren't backed out yesterday."

"Um, yeah I was," Jeremy insisted, crossing his arms. "I've been asleep the whole time."

"No," Michael argued, "you were awake. Very awake. You . . . wait, did you get high? Is that why you don't remember anything?"

"No, no I didn't!" Jeremy said, blinking. "I was asleep!"

"No you weren't!" Michael's voice was rising now. "You texted me, remember?!"

"No, that . . . okay, maybe I like woke up or something and replied? But I swear I was asleep!" Jeremy fought.

"No, you werent'!" Michael was almost yelling now.

"How do you know that?!" Jeremy yelled back.

"BECAUSE YOU BROKE UP WITH CHRISTINE YESTERDAY, DAMMIT!"


	4. Dumped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy dumped Christine. Not only that, he dumped her in the meanest way he could think possible. Could things get any worse?

"I . . . what?" was all Jeremy could get out as he tried to process what Michael had said. He'd broken up with Christine? He didn't remember doing that . . . what the hell was going on?

"You dumped her, man!" Michael said, hands going in the air. He wasn't quite yelling anymore, but his tone was still aggressive. "That's why I was texting you! Everybody knows, and I know you said you weren't super close to her yet, but dumping her? Why, Jer? You told me everything was fine, a-and you just needed to 'think about it', but now I'm here to talk to you and you just . . . deny it ever happened? What the hell?" Michael was pulling at his hair now, obviously angry and confused.

"I . . . " Jeremy looked down at his hands seeing the faint scars that he knew only got more prominent as they traveled up his arms. He'd picked out a long-sleeve shirt so he couldn't see them, but it seemed that they just wouldn't go away. Suddenly, Jeremy found himself crying. Again. He didn't know what was going on, and he'd just woken up, and now he was being yelled at, and . . . what the hell was happening?

"Jeremy?" Michael was immediately concerned. "Jer, it's okay, I'm sorry, calm down," he said, wrapping his arms around the crying male as he rubbed his back gently.

How could he not remember breaking up with Christine? Why would he even do that in the first place? Was it . . . could it be . . .

No. No, no, that couldn't be it. He'd . . . he'd left. Jeremy had made him leave . . . right?

Who was he kidding, all Jeremy had done is tell him to leave. That didn't mean he'd actually done it. Which meant . . .

The SQUIP was still here. He was still inside of him, lurking and waiting, and apparently making his life a mess . . . again.

 _That's right, Jeremy._ The voice in his head said, though he couldn't see anyone besides Michael, who was still hugging and rubbing him. _I'm here. I'm going to get you what you want, even if you don't listen at first. Anytime you feel like collaborating, I'll be here._

Jeremy winced, then forced himself to pull away from Michael. "I-I'm fine, really. I . . . I can't talk about Christine right now. I just . . . " Jeremy suddenly felt frozen, yet he was still speaking. **"She wasn't my type. I didn't like her. She didn't want to do anything besides go to the mall and talk about musicals anyways."** the words didn't feel like his own. He didn't even know why he was saying them. What the hell?

"O-oh . . ." Michael bit his lip. "Okay. Just . . . did you have to be so mean about it, Jer?"

"I . . . " Jeremy blinked, the weird feeling now gone. "I don't . . . I'm sorry, I need to . . .  do things. And I'm still grounded. I think you should go." Jeremy was surprised that he could even say that, what with the SQUIP supposedly trying to get him with Michael and all. Was that why it made him dump Christine? So he could be with Michael? But why? Why was the SQUIP so obsessed with Michael now?

"Jer . . . " Michael bit his lip. He seemed hurt, and Jeremy hated to push him away, but he had to deal with this on his own . . . he had to figure out what was going on before anyone else got hurt. This was all his fault.

"Sorry."

Michael just sighed, frowning as he gave a small wave and made his way out the door.

Jeremy found himself falling on his bed, staring at the ceiling as he tried to figure out what the hell the SQUIP had made him do.

* * *

It was Rich who told him, which wasn't much surprise, Rich had no filter and didn't seem to care who he was talking to, or what they were talking about for that matter. As long as he could make some weird reference to some shit Jeremy didn't know about, he was fine to talk to anyone. Even people who had apparently just broken the heart of the nicest girl on the planet.

According to Rich, Jeremy had gone to Christine's house. She'd invited him in happily, and once they sat down on her couch, Jeremy had handed her a green and red box. Christine seemed a bit confused since Jeremy was Jewish, but she gladly took the gift. She eagerly opened it, saying "aw, Jeremy, you shouldn't have," only to find a small note under a few layers of wrapping paper. The note said "Merry Christmas. Now you're single." She looked at Jeremy, pleading for an explanation, and Jeremy just left with a small chuckle.

Hearing all that, Jeremy was 100% sure it was the SQUIP, he never would have done that. It also made him feel sick to his stomach that Christine thought he'd acted so cruel to her. Seriously, how terrible was that to do to her? Jeremy couldn't believe it had happened. What the actual hell?

"Tell me why you did that," Jeremy said aloud, looking around the room for the SQUIP to appear.

Instead, he just heard the voice, _I am doing what's best for you, Jeremy._

"Don't give me that bullshit," he spat. "Why can't I see you?"

 _That's a need-to-know piece of information, Jeremy. You don't need to know._ The SQUIP paused. _I'm perfectly fine just being a voice in your brain. As for why I dumped Christine that way . . . everyone needed to know that you were done with her. Permanently._

"Is this because of Michael?" Jeremy asked. "Because I don't like him like that. And he's not going to like me more because of this. Didn't you see him yelling at me earlier?"

_Michael will forgive you. He loves you too much not to._

"Loves . . . n-no. I don't care how close we are, he can't just . . . You're making me terrible for him. He doesn't deserve a shitty person like me as a friend."

_Do you really think Michael has the ability to step away from you? I'm telling you Jeremy, you are the only thing he cares about. He will accept you when you--_

"No, no, you are _not_ messing with Micahel. I'll stop you. I'll drink until I'm so drunk I won't be able to remember a reason to be sober." Jeremy threatened, face reddening out of anger.

_Jeremy, do you really think I'd allow you to do that? I have complete control over you._

"Then why aren't you controlling me right now? And why didn't you stop me from telling Michael to leave?" Jeremy asked. Then it dawned on him. "You . . . you can't control me all the time. That's why I can't see you! You need to recharge!"

_I would stop there, Jeremy. You don't know what's good for you._

"Oh, and you do?" Jeremy scoffed. "I'm going to defeat you, even if it kills me," he promised. It scared him to say it, but he knew this was all his fault anyways. He had to fix it, no matter the cost. If Mountain Dew Red didn't work, then he was going to have to find another solution.

_You seem very sure that death is your only option. Are you sure this isn't just your newfound depression, and not your 'heroism'?_

Jeremy's brows lowered and his nose crinkled, "SHUT UP!"

The SQUIP didn't respond, though Jeremy wasn't sure if it was because he'd told him to or because he didn't have enough power to continue speaking. Either way, Jeremy was glad it was gone, at least for the time being. He had to figure out a way to fix things. He needed to get this thing out of his head. If he didn't act quickly . . . he might have to go through with his terrible promise.

So Jeremy spent the rest of the day researching, trying to find any clues he could about the SQUIP. A pointless effort, since it was in his brain, but he had to do _something . . ._

It wasn't long before he blacked out again, this time knowing exactly what was happening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this to procrastinate on my math homework haha kill me


	5. Bully

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The SQUIP gives Jeremy a glimpse of what he's doing, and Jeremy doesn't know if it's any better than being in the dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I have no idea how to write Rich -- so sorry)

 Jeremy was vaguely aware of his hands typing on his laptop, though he didn't know what he was doing. It was like the SQUIP was letting him see, taunting him, though not any of the details. His heart ached as he tried to imagine what the SQUIP was planning, wondering if he was going to hurt Christine again or if there would be a new target. He found himself wishing this was all just a bad dream, and that the past few days had never even happened, but he knew that would never. Before he could think or feel anything else, his vision faded to black once again.

The next thing Jeremy knew, he was at school. Just . . . heading to class. He gulped, but as he did not want to draw attention to himself, he continued on his path and went through Geometry like it was nothing. He noticed he could do the problems much faster than he usually could, which he knew was because of the SQUIP, but he tried not to think about it too much. He had a terrible feeling that he was about to find out exactly what the SQUIP was planning, or at least his current plan. He didn't like it one bit.

Jeremy's vision began to fade as the class ended and he walked into the hallway, though he knew it wasn't him controlling his body. He tried to fight it, but he couldn't get himself to stop moving, or even to say anything. The SQUIP must have had to take a break during Geometry, but why for only that long? Hadn't he just controlled him since . . . Sunday afternoon, was it? It occurred to Jeremy that maybe the SQUIP only needed to control Jeremy for a small amount of time in the very near future, and that seemed scarier than anything, especially since he was allowed to watch.

"Hey!" a voice shouted from behind him. Jeremy continued walking. "Hey, asshole!" Jeremy stopped, turning to see Jake and Rich staring at him angrily. Rich's face was red as Michael's sweatshirt, and Jake looked . . . embarrassed? When had Jake ever looked embarrassed?

 **"Yeah?"** Jeremy heard himself say.

"Why the _hell_ did you do that?!" Rich asked, pointing a finger at Jeremy accusingly.

 **"I don't know what you're talking about,"** Jeremy smirked. Why was he smirking? What did he do?

"You know what you did!" Rich yelled, looking almost on the verge of tears. "Your luck ass wouldn't realize how much of a jerk you're being though, would it? Lucky for _you_ , I'm immune to this shit. But Jake? Why the hell did you have to bring him into this?!"

What. Did. He. Do???

 **"Listen, Rich,"** Jeremy started, **"everyone was going to find out eventually. I just gave it a little push. Besides, you should thank me! No matter how proud of yourself you are, you and I both know you wouldn't have confessed on your own."**

Proud? Confessed? A million thoughts raced through Jeremy's mind. What would Rich have confessed? A secret? A crime? What did it have to do with Jake?

"You . . ." Rich took a deep breath as Jake put his hand on his shoulder, seeming to calm him for the moment. His voice now more level, he began again. "You told everyone on every social media platform in existence that I was a gay loser who was in love with his best friend, then you thought it was a good idea to go on all of Jake's posts and tell him that? And then shame him for being gay for me, too? Don't you know what kind of reputation he has on the line? Don't you think I--"

"Hey," Jake said, "I already told you, it's okay. I'm okay . . . "

"I don't effing care if you're okay, Jake, that was a _low_ thing to do, and Jeremy needs to pay. After what he did to Christine . . . and now to you? To us? I gave him a second chance, and he blew it." Rich growled, staring Jeremy in the eye. "So what the hell do you have to say for yourself, Tall Ass?"

Jeremy couldn't believe any of the words coming out of Rich's mouth. He'd . . . cyberbullied him? About being bisexual? And ruined Jake's reputation? By the use of his old nickname, Jeremy could tell that Rich was pissed. What the hell was the SQUIP doing? This was bad . . . really bad.

 **"Look, I already told you that the information was going to come out anyway, so I don't see the big deal.** **"**   Jeremy couldn't believe he was saying that. He wanted it to stop. **"Face it, you don't own the school anymore, not if you can't face a little teasing. Think of it as payback for the way you treated me for the last two years."**

That seemed to set something off in Rich's head, and the next thing he knew, he was making a terrible noise, "you're going to pay, asshole!"

Rich punched Jeremy. Well, he tried to, at least. The thing is, the SQUIP had amazing reflexes, and he caught the punch before it even got within a foot of his face. Jeremy could see himself kicking Rich's knees, which made him fall to the ground in pain. Using his larger body, Jeremy pinned Rich down, getting a few good punches in before he was pulled away by Jake, who was made as hell, but he just kicked him in the nuts and left him on his knees, too. Jeremy shouldn't have been able to do any of it, but he did. He'd just beat up the two most popular guys in the school . . . what the hell had he just done?

Rich stood up with the help of a bystander, shaking as he wiped his bleeding nose and sniffed. "Dude . . . what the hell." Jeremy could see a black eye already beginning to form, and by the looks of it, Rich was going to have more than a few bruises tomorrow.

 **"Don't try that again,** **"**   Jeremy heard himself say. **"This is _my_ school, I'm not the loser anymore. I'm not going to stand for anyone crossing me ever again, you got that?"**

Jeremy felt terrible. HIs heart ached, his head was pounding, and he knew the SQUIP was going to wear off soon, but he wasn't sure if he could stay conscious for long after that. He needed to get out. He needed to fix things. He needed to figure out some way to make things right again.

Jeremy walked out into the parking lot and finally felt normal again, his head throbbing. "What the hell did you do that for?" he asked, not sure the explanation would help all that much.

_Rich needed to pay for bullying you. Besides, it shows dominance. That's sexy. You own the school now. Nobody will mess with you or your friends again._

"That _was_ my friends! Who is going to want to hang out with me if I'm beating people up?" Jeremy said, hands going up.

 _I think you know who is most important to protect in this school._ The SQUIP paused. _Michael was prone to bullying. It was onlly a matter of time before someone called out his loner behavior, or the pins on his sweatshirt. Now he will be safe just by beign near you._

"No. No, no, Michael is _not_ going to be safe with me. He's not going to want to be around me after this . . . shit, do you have any idea what you're doing?" Jeremy felt like he could cry. He wanted to scream. He just wanted all of this to end . . .

_Michael is persistent. He will try to be there for you no matter what. He won't stop until he figures out why you're acting out. So for the time being, he'll be with you as much as possible._

"Then what? What's your plan? You think he's just going to  . . . to accept my behavior and want to sleep with me or something? Because it's not going to work." Jeremy crossed his arms. "Besides, Michael isn't _that_ forgiving. He'll realize I'm not good for him, and he'll leave because that's what's best."

_Ah, see, but that's where you're wrong. We're going to give him a reason to stay._

"A reason to . . . " Jeremy shook his head. "No. I won't let you do this."

_Really? Because you keep saying that, yet you've done nothing to stop me._

He was right. Jeremy hadn't done anything. God, he really was a loser . . . he had to figure out a plan. He had to find some sort of way to stop all of this . . . yet still only one thing could come to mind as a solution. If only he had more time . . . or a way to think for himself. To stop all this.

 _That's what I thought._ With that, the SQUIP's voice was gone once again, leaving Jeremy alone in the school parking lot to wallow and try to figure out what the hell he could do to fix this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all of you for your continuous support on this! I've had a lot of fun writing it (even if it means I'm hurting like all of my favorite characters) Plot pieces are being set in motion, and though I feel this is WAY too dramatic at times, I'm having a blast putting all of this together!  
> By the way, I have a Tumbr if you want to scream at me: https://princessmuk.tumblr.com/


	6. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy is confronted by his father demanding an explanation . . . but what is he supposed to tell him?

Jeremy left school early.

When Jeremy got home, he went to his room and took off his shirt. The scars were getting deeper. They weren't going to be so easy to hide on his hands anymore, and they were creeping up his neck like snakes. Jeremy's hand went to touch them gently, and he bit his lip. This wasn't good. Should he tell someone? Obviously, he couldn't, the SQUIP would stop him as long as he had power, and this was still all his fault . . . he couldn't let anyone else get hurt. Still, maybe it might be better if somebody knew? Jeremy didn't really know anymore . . . he didn't have much time to think about it though because his name was called. Quickly, he put on his shirt and made his way out of his room. His father was standing in the kitchen, dressed in his work clothes, holding a coffee cup up to his face as his brows lowered. By his expression and stance, Jeremy could tell he was in trouble. Shit.

"Hello, _Jeremy._ " Mr. Heere said, setting down his cup casually, then looking back to Jeremy with eyes that could pierce into his soul. Jeremy had never seen his dad like this, especially since Mom had left . . .

"H-hi, dad," Jeremy gave a small wave, feeling tiny with his father staring at him like a beast about to pounce. He knew he was about to get it . . . the SQUIP had made him do a lot of shitty things, and he had no doubt his dad had been called by the school about what happened with Rich.

"Sit down."

Jeremy did.

"You know, Jeremy, you're grounded." His father said, leaning down on the table.

"Yes."

"Yet I hear . . . " his father almost laughed, as if he couldn't believe any of this. Jeremy couldn't, either. "I hear that you've been sneaking out to hang out with Michael, and to go on dates with Christine?" He paused. "Son, you know I want you to be happy and have a girlfriend and all that . . . but you are still grounded."

"Yes, sir."

"And not just that, Jeremy," he continued. "I've also heard about all the other things you've done."

"Y-yeah?" Jeremy gulped. Here it came.

"Do you know how many phone calls I've gotten in the past two days?!" Mr. Heere's voice was raising. "Christine's dads are going to murder me after what you did to her, a-and then I get the school down my neck because you _beat up_ two guys? What has gotten into you?!"

"I . . . " Jeremy didn't know what to say. He couldn't tell his dad what was going on . . . could he?

"I just don't know what's wrong with you, Jeremy!" He continued, almost yelling now. "I know something terrible happened, I get that, but you can't go being a jerk to everyone like this!"

"I'm sorry--" Jeremy's voice was weak.

"You can't do these things, Jeremy!" Mr. Heere yelled. "What am I supposed to be telling everyone is wrong with you, anyway?! Is this your way of acting out? Because this is _not_ the way to do it!"

"D-dad, I--"

"No, Jeremy," his father huffed, rubbing his temples, "you can't act like this!"

"I'm not--"

"You're grounded! Again! Go to your room!"

Jeremy tried to speak up again, but he could tell his dad was _not_ in the mood. He was being a lot harsher than usual, which Jeremy blamed on his stupid 'trying to be the best single dad ever' thing, but he had to listen. Jeremy just blinked the tears out of his eyes and made his way to his room.

HIs phone was buzzing on his bed, no doubt texts from Michael. Shit, that's exactly what the SQUIP wanted to happen.

> **Dude wtf???**
> 
> **You beat up Rich???  
>  **
> 
> **And Jake???**
> 
> **Where are you???**
> 
> **JEREMY**
> 
> _I'm sorry  
>  _
> 
> **Yeah you better be**
> 
> **Wtf man?**
> 
> _I'm sorry  
>  _

Could Jeremy tell Michael? The SQUIP was being awfully silent. That seemed like a bad thing, but Jeremy wanted to use it to his advantage. But at the same time, he didn't want to involve Michael at all. It was best to stay away . . . best to stay away from the only person who'd always been there for him, the person who knew how to help almost every time . . . shit.

> **I'm not the one who you should sorry to**
> 
> _I know  
>  _
> 
> _I'm..._
> 
> **Where are you?  
>  **
> 
> _Home_
> 
> _Grounded_
> 
> _Again_
> 
> **Shit**
> 
> **Man what are you doing?**
> 
> _I don't know  
>  _
> 
> _I can't explain_
> 
> **You have to man  
>  **

No, Jeremy had decided, he couldn't bring Michael into this. He couldn't play into what the SQUIP wanted. He was about to text something like "I can't talk right now" when he saw his vision begin to fade. No, no, not right now, not right--

His fingers were already erasing the message.

> **I'm coming over soon -- I only have one more class left before study hall**
> 
> _I'm grounded  
>  _
> 
> _I'll go to your house, okay?_
> 
> **OK**

The next thing Jeremy knew, he'd gone to his bed, and his eyes closed, body stilling until he fell asleep.


	7. Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy sneaks out to Michael's house against his will, and he's not sure what's going to happen when he gets there . . .

When his vision began to come back -- not all the way, mind you -- Jeremy knew he was in for some trouble. It seemed to be an hour or so after he'd fallen asleep, and he was standing in front of Michael's house. The place had never seemed so daunting before. He saw his arm go out to press the doorbell, and the door opened almost immediately. 

Michael looked worried and stressed as hell, yet also a bit angry, and upset. "Jer, hey, c'mere," he grabbed Jeremy's arm and dragged him inside, shutting the door with his foot and taking him down to his room in the basement, plopping him down on his beanbag. Michael sat next to him, still holding one of his hands. "Wanna tell me what's going on?"

Jeremy didn't. Jeremy didn't want to be there at all. Honestly, he wished he could leave. He knew the SQUIP was going to do something stupid, and he couldn't bear to watch. Just like with Rich, he almost wished he wasn't able to see whatever was about to happen. He knew the SQUIP was trying to get him with Michael, so he probably wouldn't do anything bad to him . . . but this was still wrong. All of this was wrong.

**"I just . . . I'm sorry, I got angry and I let my anger out on Rich. It was wrong, I know."** Jeremy was surprised that the SQUIP said any of that. Wasn't he trying to be . . . dominant or something?

_Michael needs to see you as a human who makes mistakes like he always does. That's what he expected you to say, so it's what I said. It has the best probability of a positive outcome._

'Positive . . . ' Jeremy thought. 'No, no, no, stop! This isn't what I want!'

_Oh yes, it is . . . remember, you can't lie to me. Anyway, he'll still remember how awesome you were when you took over the school._

'That's insane. He's going to think I'm a monster no matter what.'

_No . . . I'll make sure he only remembers what I want him to._

'W-what?'

Michael seemed to think about what Jeremy had said for a moment, then he nodded. "That was really stupid, Jeremy. I . . . I honestly can't believe you would do that."

**"I know . . . I'm sorry. It was so stupid, I wish I hadn't . . . "**

_Activating tear ducts._

Jeremy was starting to cry.

Michael bit his lip, "hey, Jer, listen," he squeezed Jeremy's hand, "I'm not going to say it's okay, because it isn't, but you can fix this . . . Rich . . . well, he sort of deserved it, but you can apologize to him and make it up, okay?"

Jeremy just nodded, crying now.

No, no, no, this was terrible. Jeremy tried his hardest to resist, to scream, to move, to do _something_ , but the SQUIP was too powerful. He was trapped.

Michael wrapped his arms around Jeremy, who was just crying into his sweatshirt, and rubbed his back. "I'm going to forgive you because I know how hard all of this is, and I know you're making bad choices because of that . . . but everyone else might not be so lenient." He paused, letting the crying male cuddle up to him. "We can forget about them for a bit, okay? I know this is all a mess . . . "

**"N-no,"** Jeremy looked up, **"I have to fix--"**

"Jeremy, I know, but not right now. Just let it out, okay?" Michael insisted, and Jeremy just nodded, resting his head on Michael's shoulder.

This was all wrong. Michael shouldn't be comforting him. He shouldn't be doing any of this. He was taking advantage. This wasn't okay . . . none of this was okay.

**"Thank you, Michael . . . "** Jeremy said, nuzzling his head in the way Jeremy knew would make Michael's heart flutter if he actually liked him that way . . . Jeremy hoped he didn't. That would make all of this so much worse.

"N-no problem, Jeremy . . . I-I'll always be there for you, okay?" Michael said.

No, no, stop! Stop it all!

**"Okay,"** Jeremy nodded. **"I'll be there for you, too."**

_Activating pheromones._

No, no, no!

Michael seemed to almost freeze for a moment, then he relaxed, embrace tightening and his cheek touching Jeremy's hair.

**"I love you, man,"** Jeremy whispered.

No. NO.

"I-I love you, too, Jer," Michael said, voice quiet and soft.

Jeremy's head rose, and he looked at Michael, breathing quietly. He knew that his heart was beating faster, and he wasn't sure if the SQUIP could control that or if it was actually happening. But this was wrong. This was all wrong. Jeremy didn't want this. He didn't want this to happen.

Michael looked at him, cheeks dusted a light pink. His eyes flickered to Jeremy's lips, then back to his eyes.

No. No. No.

Michael's hand went to his shoulder. Then to behind his neck. He was leaning in. So was Jeremy.

Stop. stop. Stop.

Jeremy's eyes fluttered closed as their lips slowly pressed together.

NO. NO. NO. STOP. STOP. STOP.

The kiss wasn't bad in itself of course, but this was all wrong, this was bad, this was manipulation, this wasn't real, he had to stop it.

Michael kissed Jeremy for a painful five seconds, which may not have seemed so long if Jeremy wasn't waiting for it to stop. Jeremy didn't want to hurt Michael, and this kiss had just made that one thousand times harder. The SQUIP was getting exactly what he wanted, and Jeremy was scared shitless. 

When Michael pulled away, he looked nervous as hell. "I-I'm so sorry! I didn't mean--"

Jeremy kissed him again, and Michael kissed back after a moment with a passion Jeremy had never thought possible.

This wasn't okay. It didn't matter how amazing this was, this was bad. This wasn't him. This was the SQUIP. The SQUIP had made him close his eyes again, so all he could see was black as he felt Michael's hands on his neck and back, pulling him closer. Jeremy was tugging Michael's hair ever so gently, seemingly relishing it all. But he was screaming in his mind. This was bad. Bad. Bad.

_Jeremy, you should really stop freaking out. We both know I'm not going to let you mess this up._

As much as he hated to admit it, Jeremy knew the SQUIP was right. He couldn't fight back.

_Give in._

Jeremy didn't realize the SQUIP had given up control until he and Michael parted a few minutes later.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just gonna . . . *hides behind bush*


	8. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy. Just. Kissed. Michael.  
> But he didn't . . . it was the SQUIP. This is all wrong, and Jeremy knows it. But what is he supposed to do?

The moment Jeremy realized he had control, he knew he had three options: Act normal, tell Michael about the SQUIP and most likely break his heart, or get the hell out of there. He knew the second option was the one that would be the hardest, yet it was the right thing . . . right?

Michael's dopey grin wasn't helping Jeremy's decision.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

"That was . . . " Michael breathed, searching Jeremy's face for his feelings.

Shit.

Jeremy couldn't bring himself to hurt Michael. Not now. He just smiled, trying to act as calm as possible. "Y-yeah . . . "

Could this get any worse?

"Jer . . . I . . . " Michael bit his lip. "Does this mean . . . ?"

"Uh . . . " Jeremy paused, biting his own lip. Shit. Shit. Shit.

"I get it, sorry, a lot of pressure," Michael put up his hands. "I just . . . I've uh, I've liked you for . . . for the longest time . . . a-and . . . "

SHIT. Jeremy had no idea. It made sense, but still. But this was making this so much harder, so much worse. He was digging himself a hole that he would never be able to escape. Now Michael was confessing his love with obvious anxiety, and Jeremy had no idea what to say.

_Say yes, Jeremy. This is what you want._

Shit. Shit. Shit.

Jeremy wanted to freeze time forever. He wanted to run away, he wanted to avoid this decision forever. But he couldn't. This was happening, this was happening right now, and this was exactly what the SQUIP wanted.

Jeremy. Just. Kissed. Michael.

But he didn't . . . it was the SQUIP. So what did this mean? Did he want to? He sure liked it, but . . . Jeremy didn't know what to do. This was all wrong. Shit, shit, shit.

"A-anyways, I--" Michael scratched his neck.

 **"Yes."** Jeremy could hear himself say, and he knew the SQUIP had grown impatient.. He hoped the SQUIP getting him with Michael wasn't going to make anything else worse . . . but it couldn't get worse, right? How could the SQUIP make anything bad come out of this, anyway? Jeremy still knew this was wrong, of course. His gut was telling him to stop. His heart was telling him to keep going. And his brain? It was a bit occupied with an evil supercomputer to know what to do. But maybe if he just went along with it for a while . . . maybe then he could gain back his control.

"What?" Michael snapped Jeremy back to reality as he looked into his eyes with a mix of disbelief, fear, and joy.

This was it. He just had to do what the SQUIP wanted for a bit. It couldn't be that hard . . . right?

 **"Yes, it means . . . I-** I want to be your boyfriend." Jeremy said, feeling the SQUIP's control fading away.

Michael's eyes lit up as he grinned once again, laughing like a child and hugging Jeremy tightly.

S h i t.

That was too real for Jeremy's taste.

What if it was a mistake, giving into the SQUIP? Was this really the right thing to do? Was he manipulating Michael? Did he like Michael? There were too many questions and not enough answers. But Jeremy knew that after the kiss . . . This was _h_ _is fault_ . . . again. He had to keep going. This was the only way, no matter if it was exactly right or not. He had to do this to gain back control of his body, so he could get the SQUIP out.

"Jeremy, I love you . . . " Michael giggled, nuzzling his cheek into Jeremy's.

"I-I love you too, m--" Jeremy was going to say "man", but that would sound too friendly, right? "Michael," he said instead, trying to hold his smile.

"I . . . I'm sorry, I still can't believe this is happening. I've wanted this for so long . . . " Michael rambled as he pulled away, small laughs and breaths breaking his sentences.

He wasn't making this any easier.

Jeremy saw his vision begin to fade once again, and for the first time, he was almost grateful.

 **"I know . . . "** Jeremy caressed his cheek. **"I'm sorry it took me so long to realize how I felt."**

"It's okay, Jeremy," Michael blushed, "I . . . I still can't believe this."

 **"Well you better,"** Jeremy kissed his nose, **"because you're mine now."**

Michael just breathed for a moment, blushing and smiling, before he giggled again and brought Jeremy in for another hug.

This was going to be hard.

* * *

Jeremy found himself at home an hour or so later, and he knew that he and Michael had cuddled for a while, then played video games, but he wasn't sure how much of it as him and how much of it was the SQUIP. At least he hadn't blacked out this time, that was an improvement.

The SQUIP was pretty silent, probably tired from random remarks or something, maybe waiting for something big, and Jeremy decided it was best to try and research more. That was until his phone reminded him that he had a geometry test tomorrow.

Shit.

Jeremy grabbed his book, sighing as he opened it to review the material. Sure, the SQUIP helped with math, but he wasn't sure how present it would be, and if it was saving its power for something later . . . it might not want to help with something as simple as a geometry test. The thought scared Jeremy, he didn't want anymore big plans that would ruin his relationships, but he tried to focus on the positives . . . which was . . . that he could at least control his actions tomorrow. Yeah, that would be good.

It wasn't long before Jeremy fell asleep, the book still open on his desk as he drooled all over page 784.

Jeremy woke up the next morning to a good morning text from Michael, which had a red heart at the end that made Jeremy's heart skip a beat. Jeremy sent a similar text in response, ending his with a blue heart, almost doing it without a second thought. That must have been the SQUIP's influence.

Jeremy got ready quickly, putting on his regular striped shirt and blue cardigan, and he made his way downstairs with enough time to eat breakfast.

His phone pinged as he got another text from Michael.

 

 

> **Want me to drive you to school today? Since you're up early and all?**

Jeremy smiled softly at the gesture, then he remembered the other reason Michael was making the offer. They were dating now. Jeremy's smile faded, and he found himself wishing things were simpler, and that the SQUIP hadn't made any of this happen. Of course, it _had_ happened, and there was nothing he could do about it . . . yet. Still, if Jeremy was going to play along, even if the SQUIP was being silent, he had to say yes.

 

 

> _yeah, that's cool_
> 
> _im almost done eating_

Jeremy wondered if Michael had noticed how perfect his grammar had been when the SQUIP had texted about the Christine situation. Had he thought it was weird? Unlike Jeremy? Probably not . . . Jeremy didn't think Michael would care that much to notice. It was just wishful thinking, hoping that someone could notice the small details that could save him from this nightmare.

 

 

> **K, I'll be over in 5**
> 
> _k_

 Jeremy finished his food quickly, and by the time he was outside, Michael was pulling into his driveway. Perfect timing. Jeremy waved at Michael, then he felt his vision begin to fade. No, no, no, no! Not now!

To Jeremy's surprise, he didn't black out. Still, the SQUI was in control now. Jeremy got into the car, kissing Michael's cheek and making him blush before putting on his seatbelt. At least the SQUIP knew to keep him safe from car accidents . . . as if that would be any help.

"S-so," Michael coughed, looking a little embarrassed from the small kiss, "is it okay if we stop by Seven Eleven before school and get slushies?"

 **"Yeah, that's fine."** Jeremy heard himself say.

"Okay, cool." Michael flashed a smile, then focused on backing out of the driveway. Once they were driving normally, he glanced at Jeremy for a second, "you know, they have slushie machines at Warren. Heard they're actually pretty good."

**"Warren?"**

"You know, Warren County Community College?" Michael raised a brow, looking a bit hurt. Jeremy knew very well that they were going there, and he wondered why the SQUIP hadn't known . . . was it possible that taking over Jeremy's actions this much was preventing the SQUIP access to some of the information in Jeremy's brain?

Jeremy blinked. **"Oh, yes. That one. Great slushies."**

Michael frowned, eyes focused on the road again. Jeremy hoped he wasn't too hurt. "So . . . speaking of colleges . . . what ones are you applying to?"

Wait, didn't Michael remember? Wasn't that why he was so bummed out? Now Jeremy was just confused.

Jeremy tapped his chin, seemingly thinking for a moment before answering, (though Jeremy knew the SQUIP was probably just going through a database or something) **"I think I could get into an Ivy League school if I really wanted to. I just have to keep my grades up."**

Micheal's frown deepened, eyes widening, "r-really, Jer? Because your GPA is like . . . a 2.5."

**"I can fix that. I just have to get all A's and do extra credit work."**

"S-since when do you care about Ivy League schools, anyway?" Michael asked, stealing another glance at him as they neared a stoplight.

Jeremy felt himself shrug, **"I've been thinking about my future a lot lately . . . I want to be able to provide for myself."** jeremy paused. **"And, of course, now that you're in the picture . . . all the more reason to have a good job."**

"Oh . . . " Michael looked back at the road and began driving again.

This didn't make any sense. How could Michael forget that they were going to Warren together? Did he really buy the SQUIP's excuses for wanting a good job?

 **"What about you?"** the SQUIP make Jeremy ask.

Michael paused for a moment before he answered, "I was thinking we could go to Yale together."

 _Yale_ _?_ Since when?!

Jeremy nodded, **"yes, that would be great. I'd love to go to college with you."**

But that was already their plan! But not at Yale, at Warren? What the hell?

"Of course," Michael tapped the steering wheel, "you know we'll have to bring our favorite console . . . "

After a moment, Jeremy heard himself say, **"yeah, Xbox!"**

Michael nodded, a small smile on his face, "and we should get matching bed sheets, you know, for aesthetic . . . and you already know my favorite color . . . "

Again, with slight hesitation, Jeremy said, **"red!"**

Michael gave a small laugh, nodding. He pulled into the school, "we're here," and parked.

Jeremy gave a small nod and got out of the car, Michael coming around the front and walking by Jeremy's side. He seemed nervous, Jeremy could tell that well enough, but it was probably just the dating thing . . . oh yeah, they were dating. Jeremy kept seeming to forget that, though now the only thing he could think about was that kiss . . . stupid SQUIP. It wasn't like that was real . . . which just made it worse, of course.

Jeremy grabbed Michael's hand as they walked, and Michael smiled. He was still nervous, Jeremy noticed.

If anyone noticed the two of them holding hands as they walked into school, nobody said anything. In fact, most people seemed nervous around Jeremy . . . oh, right. Rich. Jeremy had gotten so caught up in all this Michael stuff that he'd forgotten.

Soon, Jeremy was on his way to class, SQUIP's control fading, but he was anything but happy. Everyone here was scared of him, besides Michael, but Michael was being played with every time he was near him. He just wished he could magically make everything go back to normal . . . he'd give up everything if it meant nobody else had to get hurt.

Unfortunately, that wasn't how this worked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took so long! Homework was taking me until like 8 every night last week, and my WiFi has been acting weird. Hope you enjoyed this chapter, because it's all going downhill from here!


	9. Dating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy and Michael are dating now, and everyone knows it. Too bad none of it is real . . .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (when the chapter is kinda steamy and you're embarrassed to post it)

It's weird how the world works. One moment, someone is living life and nobody cares, and then a relationship happens and it's all anyone talks about.

Of course, Jeremy never thought that  _he_ would be in a gossip-inducing relationship. (Or a relationship in general.) And he definitely never thought that it would be with Michael.

And there was also the fact that an evil supercomputer in a tic-tac was controlling everything he did.

That was probably why he was fine with holding Michael's hand in public without getting sweaty and nervous, or why he kissed him every time he saw him in the hallway, no matter how many minutes were left until class started. It was weird, to say the least, and it baffled him that this was only the first week of them dating. It went by so fast, Jeremy didn't know what to think. The SQUIP seemed to control his every move when Michael was even _mentioned_ , and then it disappeared and let Jeremy live his life as it recharged. The days flew by like paper airplanes, and Jeremy made little progress on his research to defeat the SQUIP. It seemed the only thing that could stop it was Mountain Dew Red . . . maybe he hadn't drunk enough last time? He didn't know.

Jenna had been a lot more friendly towards Jeremy, probably because of all the gossip surrounding him lately, and she'd given him a few ideas on how to make it up to Rich and Jake. Of course, he was pretty sure they never wanted to see him again, which hurt more than he thought it would. He just wanted everything to be normal again. He missed his old life . . . heck, he even missed Rich calling him Tall Ass and writing on his backpack.

Speaking of that, Jeremy and Michael had decided to keep the writing on their bags, to show everyone that they didn't care what people thought, and also to show that they were dating. Anyone that saw one of their backpacks would go up to the other and excitedly say, 'I know the person who has the other half of your backpack! I was so confused, like, what does that even mean? But now I get it! Oh, uh, congrats on being in a relationship.' It was . . . funny? At least, it provided a little laughter every now and then that brightened up the day. (If only it wasn't all part of a big lie . . . )

Michael and Jeremy hung out whenever they could, and basically any time Jeremy's dad was at work, Jeremy would have Michael over. Michael's parents had come back from their trip a few days ago, but they'd been pretty busy with work and hadn't yet discovered that Michael was dating Jeremy.

Jeremy had to admit that it was weird having the SQUIP let him see what was happening when he wasn't in control of his own body, especially whenever a kiss was initiated. The SQUIP would usually release control and let Jeremy control himself when the kisses were more . . . heated (and over a few seconds). Jeremy didn't want to hurt Michael's feelings, and he didn't want to let the SQUIP have complete control, so he just . . . went along with it and kissed Michael. It wasn't terrible, at least when they were kissing he could focus on that and forget everything else, and dang was Michael good at it (or at least Jeremy thought he was), but the moment they pulled away, the SQUIP took over again, and Jeremy was reminded of everything he was doing wrong. It just wasn't right . . . but he didn't know what else to do.

That was why Jeremy was really confused when he'd been making out with Michael on his bed after a session of Apocolypse of the Damned (Jeremy was almost glad the SQUIP was the one to play level ten, that shit was _hard)_ and he felt the SQUIP take over again. Nothing had changed, they were still kissing, so why did the SQUIP take away his control? Was he taking over for good or something?

It dawned on Jeremy that the SQUIP must be about to do something that he didn't think Jeremy would do on his own, like it'd done with Christine, Jake, Rich . . . and kissing Michael for the first time . . . oh shit. The SQUIP was going to take another step with Michael.

Jeremy felt himself pulling Michael closer, lips trailing off his lips and down towards his jaw. Michael let out a small breath, almost laughing, "what are you doing?"

Jeremy knew that he smirked, pulling away for a moment, **"just wait a second, you'll see . . . "** Jeremy's lips were on him again, then he pinned him down to the bed, and kissed his jaw as Michael pulled gently at his hair. Jeremy kissed down his jaw, then gently tugged at his ear with his teeth. Michael was warm from the body heat and his blushing, and Jeremy was both worried and . . .  aroused? Was that the right word? It didn't seem right, but his heart was beating fast, and he was blushing, too.

Jeremy felt himself suck on Michael's ear, which must have felt weird because Michael giggled, then he kissed down Michael's neck, stopped somewhere between his collarbone and the midway point, and began sucking.

Oh shit.

Michael made a small noise, maybe a moan, and he pulled Jeremy closer, hands scratching his neck and back. Jeremy continued his sucking for about thirty seconds, and peppered the spot with kisses before pulling away.

Oh. S h i t.

Michael's hand went up to touch the still-forming bruise, looking into Jeremy's eyes with a mix of astonishment and ardor. "Did you . . . "

 **"Yep,"** Jeremy kissed Michael again, **"now everyone will know you're mine."**

Michael giggled, "as if the backpacks weren't doing that already."

Jeremy chuckled, **"well now nobody will doubt that they actually _mean_ something."**

"True," Michael kissed Jeremy. "I love you."

"I love you, too." Jeremy pulled Michael in for another kiss, lifting him off the bed some and holding him close.

* * *

Being sort-of friends with Jenna Rolan definitely didn't help keep anything secret.

She saw him he moment he walked into school with Michael the next day, and she immediately asked if it was a hickey on his neck without a bit of embarrassment. Michael's face flushed as he stuttered and tried to explain, then the SQUIP made Jeremy say, with a completely straight face, **"yes. I gave it to him yesterday. Feel free to put that on your gossip blog."** Jenna seemed a little shocked, but she smiled and immediately pulled out her phone, probably to do just that, and Michael just stood there gaping. He looked at Jeremy, who just smiled and kissed him right then and there before leaving to go to class.

The rest of the day was weird, to say the least. Jeremy still hadn't gotten used to all the attention he'd been getting because of the Rich situation, and now everywhere he went, people were whispering about how he was dating Michael. He'd caught people's words here and there, the rumors ranging from him being gay to that he'd lost his virginity. That was just surreal.

Jeremy hoped Michael was taking this well. Neither had really had a say in the action, the SQUIP had just done it, and Michael was too caught in the moment to think about the consequences. Were rumors spreading about Michael like they were for him? Jeremy hoped not. The last thing he wanted was for Michael to get caught in the crossfire of his stupid problems . . . well, any more than he already had.

Speak of the devil, Jeremy felt the SQUIP take over as Michael round the corner, headphones on as he noticed Jeremy and waved. Michael held one of the headphones to his head as he too the other side off his ear so he could hear Jeremy, smiling softly as they met. Jeremy kissed his cheek and said hello, caressing his boyfriend's cheek in a way that made the other smile shyly in a blissful state.

"So . . . " Michael's eyes trailed along the floor before he looked into Jeremy's eyes, "how was your day?"

 **"Good, but it would have been better if you were in all of my classes,"** Jeremy smirked, and Michael blushed.

"Yeah, well . . . " Michael bit his lip, not finishing the sentence. "I, um, I heard some people talking about . . . "

 **"Same,"** Jeremy shifted, seeming only a bit uncomfortable, and though he was really freaking out, the SQUIP kept that under control. **"Are you embarrassed?"**

"I mean . . . a little, yeah," Michael admitted, scratching his head. "N-not because it's from _you_ , j-just because, well . . . I've never had this happen to me before, you know?"

Jeremy understood. But the SQUIP didn't seem to care, **"well, there's a first time for everything."** He pulled Michael's face closer by his chin, smiling.

"Y-yeah . . . " Michael bit his lip, pulling away from Jeremy's gesture. "Uh, about that . . . " he paused, "I know we've only been dating for like, a week, but, well, you've already done this, so . . ." Michael's hand went to touch his bruise, "can we talk about, like, _things_?"

 **" _Things_?" ** Jeremy repeated, almost frowning.

"Like . . . _doing things_?" Michael was blushing, but he didn't look embarrassed, just sort of nervous.

 **"Oh, _things_."** Jeremy smirked, **"like, sexual things?"**

Michael's eyes widened a bit, "m-maybe? Yeah? I, uh . . . " Michael avoided Jeremy's gaze, "I just . . . I want to take things slow, right? I-I love you, but I don't  . . . "

Jeremy could sense somehow that this didn't make the SQUIP very happy, but Jeremy could feel himself smile knowingly, a hand going to Michael's shoulder, **"Michael, I totally understand. That's completely fine."  
**

"R-really?" Michael looked into Jeremy's eyes, hesitating before he smiled, "o-oh my god, I was so worried, but I knew you'd understand . . . " Michael hugged Jeremy, headphones falling off completely as he peppered Jeremy's cheek with kisses. Jeremy chuckled, hugging him back.

Jeremy knew the SQUIP wasn't happy about this, but if it was smart, which it was, it knew that to keep Michael dating him it would have to be okay with these boundaries. Jeremy hoped they would be enough to keep the SQUIP from doing anything else for a while, which would give him time to research. The SQUIP hadn't directly talked to him for over a week, which made Jeremy worried, but it also meant that the SQUIP didn't have enough energy to talk to him . . . it must've been using all of its energy on controlling him when Michael was around. Jeremy couldn't help but wonder what the SQUIP's ultimate goal was . . . it didn't seem to be taking over the school anymore because there was no way to do that by isolating him to only be with Michael. So what was going on? Was it really just trying to get him laid this time?

It didn't make much sense, but for now, Jeremy didn't know any better.


	10. Suspicion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy and Michael do their thing while Jeremy tries to figure out how to stop the SQUIP.

A heavy sigh could be heard in Jeremy's room as his laptop was violently slammed shut. He'd been researching all week, and he still couldn't find any more information about the SQUIP. How had Michael done it? Through a video game or something? Jeremy wasn't going to be lucky enough to be in a chat with someone with his problems, though . . . he never was. Jeremy let out a defeated groan, wondering for about the hundredth time why this was happening to him.

Then, he felt a sudden shock, and he blacked out.

Jeremy could hear footsteps in what seemed to be an empty, echoey room. All he could see was black for miles, and he couldn't tell if he was in a structure or an empty abyss. There was a spotlight on him, but he couldn't tell where it was coming from. Jeremy looked up into the source of the light, trying to find a ceiling, but there was nothing, and the light blinded him too much to look for long. Jeremy spun around as he heard the footsteps near him, and another spotlight faded into the room, showing him Keanu Reeves.

No, the SQUIP.

"W-where am I?" Jeremy's voice sounded far away and distorted, and he could hear it echo around the room.

 _"Your brain,"_ the SQUIP answered, his voice clear and crisp. _"This is where I control what you do."_

"My . . . " Jeremy looked around, taking it in. "It's so empty."

 _"Yes, well, this isn't your mind, it's more . . . my living quarters,"_ the SQUIP's lips curled up slightly as he crossed his arms, taking a few more steps towards Jeremy, who suddenly felt very powerless in the SQUIP's domain. It may have been his brain, but he had no control over his own body, so why would he be able to do anything here, where the SQUIP spent most of his time?

"Why am I here? What's going on?" Jeremy asked, trying to sound braver than he felt.

 _"You are here because we need to have a discussion,"_ the SQUIP's smile reminded Jeremy of a snake. _"I know what you've been up to."_

Oh.

"Yeah?" Jeremy said, taking a step forward. "Then why haven't you stopped me, huh? You seem to be very good at taking my body over whenever you want to."

 _"Ah, Jeremy, surely you've realized by now that I'm saving my power for when it's most important,"_ the SQUIP raised a brow, _"like when you're with Michael. We both know you're no good at romance, so I've taken to help you whenever he's around. I let you have your fun with kissing and whatnot, of course."_

"Yeah, I know," Jeremy spat. "Is this all you wanted to say?"

 _"Not quite. See, I know what you're doing, and I honestly don't care. You won't find any information on me,"_ the SQUIP grinned, then looked at his nails like Jeremy had seen Chloe do a few times. _"And then, we have the topic of Michael."_

Michael. The SQUIP wanted to talk about Michael. That couldn't be good.

"W-what about him?" Jeremy ventured, raising his brow.

 _"Well, firstly,"_ the SQUIP straightened his already-perfect tie, _"you've been complying much more lately, which I must say pleases me, but you're still not trusting me."_

"Trusting you? Why would I do that?" Jeremy frowned, crossing his arms.

The SQUIP just let out a huff of breath -- did SQUIPs breathe? -- and smiled, _"because, Jeremy, I want what's best for you. I've only been trying to improve your life, by any means necessary."_

"Yeah, well I don't want your help," Jeremy looked down at his feet, then back to the SQUIP, "that's why I got rid of you, or at least I thought I did."

 _"Yes, well, it isn't so easy to do that,"_ the SQUIP's smile was steady and confident. _"You know I'm only doing what you want me to do."_

"Do you really think I want you to play with my best friend's emotions like this?" Jeremy asked, taking another step. He was only a few inches from the SQUIP. "Do you think I wanted you to hurt Christine? Jake? Rich? To turn the whole school into a cesspool of gossip about me?"

 _"Jeremy, we both know that you want Michael,"_ the SQUIP said, not even phased by Jeremy's increasing volume. _"Your body reacts the same way it reacted with Christine when you see him. You have history_ _. You have a deep connection. He likes you, and now I've gotten you to be with him."_

Jeremy's eyes narrowed, "even if I did want him, what more do you have to gain? We're already together, so why can't you stop?"

 _"Oh, Jeremy . . ."_ the SQUIP sighed, _"there are still so many things you want to do with him . . . so many things you want to_ _do_ to _him. So many hidden desires and dreams that you've hidden away. Wouldn't you like to make them come true?"_

Jeremy blinked, then lowered his brows, poking the SQUIP's chest with his finger, "if you think you can make me do anything to him, so help me--"

 _"Oh, I'm not_ making _you do anything, Jeremy. The hickey was my doing because you were still too scared to admit what you wanted. The moment you confess your true feelings, I will let you do what you want. But I am only helping you, Jeremy."_

"But you know you can't do anything, right?" Jeremy tried to make himself more intimidating by raising onto the tips of his toes. "He wants to take things slow."

 _"Ah, that,"_ the SQUIP just chuckled. _"He only said that because he doesn't fully trust you. After all, he must have noticed the change in your character, thanks to me, and he's confused. But once he realizes that you're better than before, he will finally tell you that he wants the same things as you do."_

"No . . . " Jeremy shook his head. "No, you're not going to get that far, because Michael is smart. He'll figure out that something is wrong, just you wait."

 _"Jeremy, even if he did,"_ the SQUIP's deep laughter filled the room, the echo making it sound as if it was coming from everywhere, _"do you really think he would listen to logic_ , _or his love for you?"_ He didn't let Jeremy answer. _"You humans are all so predictable. Sooner or later, you'll realize that I'm right. Once you do, I'll be happy to let you take the reigns."_

And with that, the SQUIP disappeared, and Jeremy's vision faded . . .

* * *

Jeremy woke up with a start, hitting his head on his lamp as he straightened up, groaning at the pain in his neck and back from his uncomfortable sleeping position. He looked over at his nightstand where his alarm was to discover that it was . . . seven a.m.?! How long had he been out?! Jeremy scrambled to get up, throwing on some pants and his cardigan to hide the deep scars before stuffing his phone in his bag and making his way outside to wait for Michael. Class started in thirty minutes now, and if he wanted time to actually finish his geometry homework, he couldn't afford to be running late.

Michael waved as he pulled in, grinning at Jeremy as he made his way over to the car, the feeling of the SQUIP's control rushing over his body like a wave.

"No offense, Jer, but you look like shit. Did you fall asleep at your desk again?" Michael asked, raising a brow in concern.

**"Yeah, sort of . . . I was trying to finish this essay for Mrs. Johnson."**

"Ah, Mrs. Johnson, the worst English teacher to ever exist. I fell you, man," Michael nodded solemnly, then turned around so he could back out of the driveway. "You know, I once heard that she gave a student a D on a paper because they didn't cite a source correctly so she counted it as plagiarism," he clicked his tongue, "isn't that stupid?"

 **"Yeah, really stupid."** Jeremy nodded in agreement. **"I imagine you actually slept in a bed, then?"**

"Eh, I fell asleep playing Mario Kart. Effing Daisy AI keeps beating me on Rainbow Road." Michael muttered, putting the car into drive.

 **"Screw Daisy,"** Jeremy rolled his eyes.

"Right though? I hate that little b--" Michael stopped as he slammed on the brakes, sparing the life of a squirrel. "Shit. Shouldn't have done that. Sorry."

Jeremy just chuckled, **"nah, you're fine."**

Michael began driving again, though now he seemed a little tense. "So . . . we still thinking about Yale?"

Yale? Again? What the hell happened to Warren?

 **"'Course,"** Jeremy smiled. **"I wanna be with you in college."**

That was their plan . . . _at WARREN!_

"Same," Michael smiled, too.

**"By the way, do you want to come over today? We haven't hung out--"**

"For literally two days," Michael smirked. "But yeah, I'll come over."

 ****Jeremy beamed, **"great."**

* * *

When Micheal came over, they mostly just relaxed on Jeremy's bed, just cuddling and enjoying one another's prescense. They played Mario Kart afterwords (they totally murdered Daisy), and then they kissed a bit, though neither were really in the mood for a heated makeout session. Jeremy had to get up to finish a chore before his dad got home, and when he came back down, Michael was passed out on his bed. Jeremy didn't want to wake him becasuse 1, he'd had a long day and Jeremy thought he deserved some rest, and 2, he just looked so nice and peaceful and kind of beautiful just laying there in an undisturbed sleep. In fact, one might even go as far as to say Michael looked adorable.

So Jeremy pulled the blanket that was shoved to the end of his bed over Michael, hesitating for a moment before kissing his cheek (totally a SQUIP thing, right?) and going over to his desk to do his homework.

He wasn't going to let the SQUIP do anything to Michael. He couldn't. He was determined to gain control back, no matter what it took. And if he couldn't do that, then . . . well, he could always go back to his old promise. If he couldn't get rid of the SQUIP, he had to get rid of the host.

He had to protect Michael from his mistakes, no matter the cost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A storm is coming . . . and it's coming soon.


	11. Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The SQUIP is planning to do something to Michael, and Jeremy doesn't know if he can stop it. Will he be able to gain control of his body, or will he have to use his old plan instead?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been one of the most anticipated ones in this entire story, and I feel so weird finally getting it out to the world. It was hard to write, and it will be hard to read, but I hope you guys enjoy this chapter . . .
> 
> WARNING: DEFINITELY INCLUDES A TRIGGERING SUBJECT! DO NOT READ ON IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH ANYTHING REGARDING SEX OR RAPE. (nobody gets raped, don't worry, but this is definitely similar enough to possibly trigger some people)

There are some moments in life when time seems to slow down . . . moments that can change everything, and the brain only has so long to react. The moments when one's mind is going crazy trying to process what is happening, and the world seems to stop, if only for a few seconds. These are the moments when one's decision can mean the difference between life and death, or in Jeremy's case . . . well, life and death weren't so far from it.

See, Jeremy had been thinking -- well, worrying -- about what the SQUIP had told him all week. It was going to do something with Michael once Jeremy gained his trust. Jeremy couldn't do anything about it because the SQUIP had full control whenever Michael was around, and the few times it released that control, Jeremy couldn't risk saying anything. He didn't have enough time, and as much as he wished he did, he didn't have enough power to stop this.

To make matters worse? Michael was coming over to celebrate their one-month anniversary. That would be the perfect time for Jeremy to do something romantic, which was exactly when the SQUIP always took over, so Jeremy was pacing around his room, freaking out while he waited for Michael to come over.

He wanted to stop this. He'd tried to text Michael and say he couldn't have anyone over, but the SQUIP stopped him. He'd tried to call his dad and tell him to come home, but the SQUIP had stopped that, too. Now he was on the verge of a panic attack, his breathing heavy yet shallow and quick as he walked in circles around his room. Something terrible was going to happen, and the SQUIP was dead-set on making sure things went according to plan. Jeremy felt hot . . . was it hot? He didn't know, but he tore off his cardigan, then his shirt. It was still hot . . . and he had no idea what to do.

That was when Jeremy heard his door open, and in that moment, time slowed to a stop. The door creaked as Michael appeared behind it, a smile on his face and his bag over his shoulder. He was wearing his normal outfit, jeans, white sneakers, a black t-shirt, and his red hoodie. His white headphones were around his neck, and his hand was in his hair, moving it back just a bit in a way that made Jeremy's chest feel weird, though that might've been the SQUIP taking over. Jeremy froze as he saw Michael wave, then his expression fell.

For a moment, they just stood there in silence, Michael gaping at him. Jeremy felt in control of his body again, maybe the SQUIP wanted him to handle this, but he had no idea what to do or say. It was Michael who broke the silence by dropping his bag and rushing up to Jeremy.

"Jer, what happened?!" Michael asked, frantically examining Jeremy's face for clues and then looking at his scarred body in disbelief.

"I-I . . . " Jeremy shuddered, wrapping his arms around himself and looking down at the floor, "you weren't supposed to see me like this."

"Jer," Michael gasped, hesitantly guiding Jeremy's face to look at him again. "I want to help you, okay? You don't need to hide these things from me."

Jeremy just nodded, brain still reeling as he tried to figure out what to do.

"Listen," Michael caressed his face, "we're going to go sit on your bed and I'm going to wrap the blankets around you and we are going to calm you down, okay?"

"O-okay . . . " Jeremy nodded, letting Michael lead him to his bed.

Once Michael was satisfied with wrapping Jeremy up like a burrito, he looked into his eyes and asked the question Jeremy had been dreading. "Where did those scars come from?"

It was then that Jeremy's brain decided to remember that the SQUIP had a plan, and even if this wasn't part of it, it could take control at any moment. He didn't want to involve Michael, but if he had the chance to . . . should he be honest? Would that be safer than letting the SQUIP go through with its plan, or would that just put Michael in more danger?

Jeremy didn't know, and even if he did, he'd taken too long to decide.

 **"It was the SQUIP,"** Jeremy heard himself say. No, no, no, stop! He'd missed his chance! Shit! **"From when . . . from when I still had it."**

Shit, shit, shit, shit.

"Jeremy . . . " Michael was hesitant to continue, his frown deepening as he looked to Jeremy with worry. "How . . . how did it . . . "

 **"It would shock me,"** Jeremy said, looking down. **"It would shock me through my nervous system whenever I did something wrong. I guess it took a while for the scars to form, and when they did, I tried to hide them with my clothes . . . "**

"Jeremy," Michael's lips were parted ever so slightly as he scooted closer. "I am so sorry. Why didn't you tell me?" Jeremy wasn't sure if the pain in Michael's voice was because of the hurt of not being trusted with the information, or the fact that Jeremy had been dealing with this on his own.

 **"I . . . I thought I could deal with it on my own. I didn't want to be a burden to you."** Jeremy's voice sounded broken like he was going to cry. It was a lot more convincing than when he'd cried in front of Brooke a few months ago . . . that had been sudden and Jeremy had been confused, but now, with the SQUIP controlling it all, it sounded painfully real.

"Jeremy," Michael caressed his cheek, a small frown on his face. "You could never be a burden to me." He paused. "I want you to tell me if something else like this happens, okay? I want you to be honest with me."

 **"Okay . . . "** Jeremy nodded, chocking on the words as salty tears formed in his eyes.

Michael pulled him closer, rubbing his head softly as he continued, "is this why you've been acting weird?"

 **"Yes . . . "** Jeremy nodded, tears rolling down his cheeks. **"I'm sorry I didn't tell you . . . "**

"It's okay, Jer," Michael promised, kissing his hair. "I'll admit that I thought something was off, and I was doubting you sometimes . . . but I trust you, Jer, always have, and I'm always here if you need me."

 **"Y-you do?"** Jeremy looked at Michael, eyes wide.

No. No, shit, no! That was exactly what the SQUIP wanted! Shit shit shit shit shit--

"Yes, Jeremy," Michael said, tone soft, then he kissed his nose, "I trust you."

Jeremy smiled, looking so happy he might break. **"I love you."**

NO NO NON NOOOO--

"I love you, too," Michael smiled, thumb wiping the tears away from Jeremy's left cheek.

 **"I'm sorry I made our anniversary so depressing,"** Jeremy apologized, looking down.

"Hey, it's okay," Michael assured him with a soft smile, "I wouldn't have it any other way."

 **"But . . . "** Jeremy looked back at him, **"I was going to be all romantic and stuff . . . "**

What was it planning how could he stop this shit shit shit

"Yeah?" Michael smiled, "well, consider me romanced."

 **"But it isn't the same . . ."** Jeremy sighed.

"Well, you can still do it, if you want," Michael said, his chuckle making the mood so much lighter than before. Well, Jeremy was still freaking out because the SQUIP was obviously about to do something, but still.

 **"Okay."** Jeremy looked down for a moment, expression determined. **"Yeah, okay,"** he looked at Michael again, smiling.

"I'm ready," Michael grinned, hands on his lap.

 **"Well . . . first I was going to tell you how handsome you look,"** Jeremy started, and he somehow knew that the SQUIP was releasing pheromones again.

Michael chuckled, "but you didn't know what I looked like today. For all you knew I could have come in here looking like Death himself."

 **"Not true,"** Jeremy smirked, **"you can never look bad. You're the sexiest person in the universe."**

Michael blushed, looking down at his hands as a small smile crept onto his face. "N-no I'm not . . . "

 **"Yes,"** Jeremy grabbed Michael's chin and made him look at him again, **"you are."**

"W-well . . . " Michael bit his lip.

 **"The sexiest, the smartest, the kindest, the most loyal, the best at kissing . . . the list goes on forever."** Jeremy stated. **"You're incredible."**

"Y-you too," was all Michael could seem to say, then he shook his head. "N-no, I meant, you're amazing, too. And apparently super romantic."

 **"And good at making you blush,"** Jeremy chuckled.

This was taking a turn for the worst, Jeremy could feel it. Michael might've thought he was being romanced, but Jeremy knew that there was something else going on here . . .

"Sh-shut up," Michael breathed.

 **"I bet I could make you do a lot of other things, too,"** Jeremy smirked, leaning closer.

"W-I . . . " Michael looked into Jeremy's eyes, looking like he was longing for something that he couldn't quite reach.

 **"Let me kiss you,"** Jeremy caressed Michael's cheek, his voice low, **"let me kiss you everywhere, and let me make you moan."**

No, no, no, no nononononono, this was NOT OKAY. Jeremy felt like he was suffocating, yet his body was completely fine. The SQUIP was _not_ about to do anything to Michael, not while he could help it. Michael was not some toy that the SQUIP could play with for Jeremy's pleasure. He was his best friend, dammit, and he couldn't just sit by and watch this happen . . .

"I-I," Michael stuttered, breathing quicker now, "Jer, I-I don't--"

Jeremy could feel himself kiss Michael, which made Michael make a small noise, then Jeremy knew that he was pulling Michael closer, the blanket falling off his shoulders as he wrapped his arms around Michael. Michael took a moment to kiss back, though it was barely passionate, and his hands shakily went up to hold Jeremy's face, then they wrapped around his neck, pulling at his hair as Jeremy kissed harder.

This wasn't okay, this needed to stop, how could he made it stop???

Jeremy moved his position, now straddling him as he kissed more passionately than he thought possible.

Jeremy wanted to scream. Stop, stop, stop.

Michael made a soft noise as Jeremy kissed down his jaw, then down his neck. Jeremy stopped where the almost healed bruise was and sucked, bruising it all over again and making Michael moan.

Stop. Stop. STOP. STOP!

Jeremy felt himself unzip Michael's hoodie, getting it off quickly and discarding it to the side after his lips returned to meet Michael's. His acitons were comletely involuntary as he continued to take off Michael's shirt, throwing it to the side as well. Michael pulled him closer, their warm bodies rubbing together.

Jeremy felt cold, though. He felt cold and he wanted to scream and cry and make this stop. This wasn't right. This wasn't how any of this was supposed to happen. None of it as real. He had to stop it before it escalated further.

Jeremy felt himself push Michael down onto the bed, taking a moment to look at him.

NO NO NO NO NO NO STOP.

Michael's head was to the side as he caught his breath, slowly looking at Jeremy. He looked weirdly beautiful . . . but Jeremy could see in his eyes that this wasn't what he wanted. He looked almost . . . scared? Not beautiful. Definitely not beautfiul. This was bad.

"J-Jer," Michael was a bit shaky, "I-I think we should stop before we--"

 **"Don't be scared, Michael,"** Jeremy heard himself say, **"we both know this is what we want. Don't you trust me?"**

Oh s h i t.

NO NO NO NONONONONO--

Michael's eyes widened, "J-Jeremy I . . . "

STOP IT. STOP IT.

 **"Let me do this,"** Jeremy said, and he could feel his grip on Michael's bare shoulders strengthen.

"Jeremy . . . you . . . your scars are _blue_ ," Michael said, and Jeremy could hear the panic starting in his voice. "You . . . we should stop."

 **"No, you know you want this,"** Jeremy said.

"Jer, please," Michael's voice cracked.

Seeing Michael so scared because of _him,_ even if it was the SQUIP controlling him, was just too much. Jeremy felt stronger, and maybe it was the adrenaline, but he could feel his grip lessen. He had to stop this. He had to take back control.

Michael looked scared. He was shaking. It was Jeremy's fault. This all happened because the SQUIP wanted him to be with Michael. But he couldn't let Michael get hurt. He couldn't let anything happen to Michael. Michael was too important to him.

_The moment you confess your true feelings, I will let you do what you want._

He couldn't let the SQUIP hurt Michael becasue Michael was amazing. Michael was the most important thing in Jeremy's life.

Jeremy loved him.

Jeremy felt the SQUIP's control release, maybe because it thought he'd keep going with this. It was true; Jeremy did want to kiss Michael, to do all the things he'd said and more. But this was wrong. Michael didn't want it. It wasn't okay, it was straight-up abuse.

Jeremy let go of Michael, who was breathing loudly and quickly, and got off of him as fast as he could. "Get out. Get out _now_!" Jeremy shouted at him, "before it's too late _get out_!"

Michael, shaking and on the verge of tears, nodded and ran out of the room, not even taking his clothes or bag with him.

Jeremy felt the SQUIP taking over again, so in the spur of the moment, he grabbed his geometry book and hit himself as hard as he could.

* * *

Jeremy was in the room again. The SQUIP took no time to appear, its face red as he angrily stomped over to Jeremy.

 _"WHAT DID YOU DO? NOW HE'LL NEVER GIVE YOU WHAT YOU WANT!"_ It yelled.

"That isn't what I want!" Jeremy shot back. "He was so _scared_ , dammit, and . . . if you think all I want from him in to _get laid_ , then you have NO IDEA WHO I AM!"

_"HE'LL HATE YOU NOW! YOU'LL NEVR SEE HIM AGAIN!"_

"Good! He doesn't deserve a shitty person like me as his boyfriend! I love him too much to let you hurt him any more!"

 _"You're making a mistake, Jeremy,"_ the SQUIP warned.

"No," Jeremy said, stomping his foot. "This is the one thing I've done right."

As his fist collided with the SQUIP's chin, the world faded to red, and Jeremy hoped he was dying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooooooh boy . . . uh . . . so . . . that happened.  
> Feel free to comment predictions or keyboard smashes. Both are equally loved.  
> Also, I want y'all to know that I felt terrible writing this and I feel so shitty right now. Feel free to yell at me on tumblr at PrincessMuk.


	12. Savior

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I feel so terrible about the last chapter. I honestly deserve tI'm so sorry.  
> . . . chapter summary:  
> Jeremy struggles to keep control over his body, and he still doesn't know how to get rid of the SQUIP. Is this the end?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't underage drink!!!

The moment Jeremy woke up, he knew he had to move fast.

He didn't know what time it was, and he honestly didn't care. He ignored the throbbing in his head as he got up, running out of his bedroom and into the kitchen. He opened the fridge and found a beer can, and he drank it in one chug. He grabbed another one and drank. Then another. He had to get drunk before the SQUIP regained control. Being intoxicated wouldn't help his decision making, of course, but he needed to keep the SQUIP away. Once he was too woozy to walk correctly, he shut the fridge and went back down to his room.

The clothes on the ground sent a pain through his chest. He'd done something terrible. Well, the SQUIP had made him do it, but it was all his fault. And now, Michael was off somewhere having a panic attack, probably wondering why Jeremy would do something like that to him. The thought made Jeremy shudder, but he didn't think about it too much, being drunk and all. It seemed like a distant memory, or like it had been a dream and it had never happened at all.

Jeremy was starting to realize why so many people were alcoholics.

Jeremy tried as best he could to type "Mountain Dew Red near me" into his laptop, though he probably spelled it wrong. It might not work, but it was his best chance. If that didn't work, there were only two other options: stay wasted forever, or . . .

Jeremy tried not to think about the other option.

Jeremy ended up typing something along the lines of "muntin ddaw rwd neqe em" , which auto-correct couldn't understand, and he was left with no results. Frustrated, he groaned, throwing his laptop.

Oh shit.

There went his chances of getting the discontinued life-saving soft drink.

Jeremy sighed, then felt tears fill his eyes. This was so stupid. This was so bad. Why did this have to happen to him? What did he do?

Actually, never mind, he'd done so many shitty things in his life, he couldn't even count them.

Jeremy scrambled to find his phone, which had no notifications, and realized that . . . was it tomorrow? Had he been asleep for a whole day? Maybe it was just his alcohol brain . . . no, he was sure . . . it was tomorrow.

Jeremy suddenly didn't feel so well . . . oh crap, was he falling?

* * *

He deserved to feel so shitty and hung-over when he woke up hours later.

His head hurt even more now, and he wasn't sure why the SQUIP wasn't on. He went into the kitchen and drank another can of beer just to be sure it would stay away, and he found himself wondering if his dad had noticed the empty cans when he'd gotten home from work.

Oh, wait . . . he wasn't home yet. It was the middle of the day.

Jeremy went back to his room and found his phone, his now only tipsy brain managing to spell the search correctly this time. It turned out that finding people illegally selling Mountain Dew Red via Google was a lot harder than Michael made it out to be.

Michael.

Oh shit, Michael.

Jeremy wanted to call him to make sure he had gotten home safely and was okay, but . . . _he_ had done this to Michael. Michael had no idea about the SQUIP . . . he probably never wanted to see Jeremy again. It was for the best, Jeremy wasn't safe anymore, but it still hurt him that the last thing he'd done was . . .

Jeremy tried not to think about it anymore. It was too painful. He couldn't imagine what it had been like for Michael.

Jeremy didn't know what else to do, so he decided the best thing he could do was drink some more and go to sleep (as if he needed more of either).

* * *

When Jeremy woke up again, he heard footsteps.

He assumed it was his dad coming to yell at him for drinking beer or something, so he curled up in the corner of his bed and waited.

The footsteps stopped.

Suddenly, he felt the all-too-familiar wave of dissociation rush over him, and he realized that his efforts to keep the SQUIP away were hopeless.

But he still had to try, no matter how hopeless it was.

Jeremy spotted a half-empty can of beer on the ground. He grabbed it and chugged.

"You are _not_ going to take me over again," he promised, though he wasn't sure how long he could do this. His dad was probably right outside the door.

_Yes I am. I am going to improve your life._

"No . . . " Jeremy said, trying to keep all his attention on controlling himself. "No . . . my body . . . "

_My brain._

"No . . . " he closed his eyes, breathing getting heavier. 

_Your efforts are hopeless. Give up._

"No . . . please, just stop. You've already ruined my life." Jeremy cried, panting now. He could hear the footsteps coming toward his door now.

_I won't stop until your life is perfect._

"No . . . " Jeremy could feel himself slipping away.

"J-Jeremy?" he heard.

His eyes opened in shock when his door opened. He couldn't tell who it was. His vision was dark and blurry. "Help," he managed to croak.

"I hate it when I'm right," he heard, and as his vision faded, he thought he felt a bottle to his lips, and a cold, sugary liquid going down his throat.

* * *

When Jeremy woke up again, he didn't know where he was.

At first, all he saw was white. He felt numb. His head felt weird, and he couldn't seem to move.

 _'This is the end_ ,' he thought. _'I'm dying.'_

Then, his vision adjusted, and he realized that he wasn't dead. The room was white and brightly lit. There was one window, and he was in a bed all to himself. He noticed that he was connected to machines by tubes and wires, and that's when it hit him: he was in a hospital.

But why? How had he gotten here? What was going on?

His head hurt.

The door opened, and Jeremy blinked as he saw his father walk in, dark bags under his eyes.

"Oh, thank God," he said, rushing over to Jeremy's side. "How do you feel, Jeremy?"

"I . . . I feel weird." Jeremy said, brows furrowing. "Why am I here?"

"You . . . " Mr. Heere chocked on the words, "your scars. A-and there was this thing in your brain . . . I . . . I don't really understand it, b-but Michael--"

"Michael?" Jeremy sat up,"is he here? Is he okay?"

"Yes, he's okay." Jeremy's dad sighed, "you . . . I can't believe . . . "

It dawned on Jeremy that his dad was probably still trying to wrap his head around the whole supercomputer thing. Jeremy couldn't blame him. But if Michael was here . . . did that mean he'd figured it out?

"Dad, can you get him?" Jeremy asked, tone soft. If Michael didn't know, then . . . well, he at least wanted to explain. And apologize, though he knew it would never be enough.

"Y-yeah," he stood up, "of course, Jeremy. I'll be in the hallway."

He walked over to the door and closed it behind him. Jeremy could hear talking before the door opened again, and Michael walked in.

Michael was a mess.

His hair was sticking out in every direction possible like it had been cut with a lawnmower. He had deep bags under his eyes just like Jeremy's dad, and his eyes were bloodshot from staying up for a long time. He had his sweatshirt back, which made Jeremy both happy for him and upset at himself for ever taking it off his body. He looked partly worried, partly relieved, and partly upset. Jeremy had no idea what to say to him, and Michael didn't seem to, either, so for a moment they just stared at each other in an uncomfortable silence.

"I'm sorry," Jeremy finally said, looking down at his hands.

Michael sighed and walked over to him, sitting down in a chair next to Jeremy's bed. Jeremy didn't want to look at him, but he forced himself to anyways. "I'm so sorry for what I put you through. I never wanted you to get hurt. I'm so sorry." Words couldn't explain the guilt Jeremy felt at that moment, and he couldn't imagine what Michael was feeling.

"It was the SQUIP," Michael sighed, pulling his hood over his head to hide his hair. "It was all the SQUIP."

"I . . . yeah, it was," Jeremy bit his lip. "Why did you come back to help me again? I hurt you so much . . . a-and how did you even figure it out?"

"It was easy, really." Michael started, looking at the ceiling for a moment. "You were acting so different . . . you didn't remember Warren, you texted with actual grammar, you beat up Rich, you acted creepily perfect around me . . . and then, of course, you dated me."

"I . . . " Jeremy didn't know what to say. "You noticed those things?"

Michael looked at him, "of course I did. You're my best friend, I . . . I know everything about you."

"Oh," Jeremy looked down at his hands again, feeling ashamed. "I'm sorry I hurt you."

"It's . . . " Michael shook his head. "You know, the doctors had to do surgery on you. They had to remove the SQUIP. It was mostly destroyed because of the Mountain Dew Red I force-fed you, but I couldnt let them keep it in there. Besides, they saw it in a scan . . . " he sighed. "You've been in a coma for a few weeks now."

"I . . . a coma?" Jeremy blinked.

"Yeah," Michael paused. "Look, I'm not going to lie, I want to be mad at you."

Jeremy just nodded.

"It was . . . it was hard for me to admit to myself that none of it was you. I mean, it was easy because of the shitty stuff, but . . . it was hard to admit that you didn't have a choice in dating me. Or kissing me. That . . . that felt so real." Michael's voice cracked. "But I could tell it wasn't you most of the time, you acted so different, and I just . . . once I saw your scars glowing I knew it had to be the SQUIP."

"Michael, I'm--"

"I know," Michael inturrupted. "But I can't help but wonder . . . " Michael's tone sounded more guarded now, but Jeremy could hear the sadness seeping through. "How much of it was you?" he looked to Jeremy. "Was it all the SQUIP? Did you never even love me?" Michael angrily sniffed, face red in rage and embarassment. He seemed more mad at himself for breaking down than he was at Jeremy, but only by a little. "Was any of this even real to you?"

"I . . . " Jeremy was speechless, still disoriented from what had happened. His brain was reeling, tyring to come up with something to say.

"Because it was real to _me_ , JEREMY!" Micheal's words seemed to echo as his arms flung into the air, then he gripped his hoodie as he pulled on the hair under it. His face was redder now, and he looked mad, and upset that he'd yelled. But Jeremy could tell that most of the rage was now being directed towards him, and he knew he deserved it.

"M-Micheal, I'm--"

"Just . . . just shut up!" Jeremy could see tears in Michael's eyes. "You . . . I  . . . " Michael wrapped his arms around himself, sniffing again. "To think I almost let you . . ." Michael shook his head, letting out a strangled noise as his hand went to touch the mark Jeremy had left on his neck. "You almost . . . " Mcihael let out a chocked, shaky breath as the tears rolled down his cheeks.

Jeremy made an effort to use a soft tone this time, "Michael, I am _so sorry_ for what I did to you. I never wanted you to get hurt. I never wanted to . . . " Jeremy shook his head.

Michael just cried for a minute, then he wiped his face, glasses definitely blurry now. "I . . . I have to go."

"Okay," Jeremy whispered, feeling defeated. "See you . . . "

"Goodbye," Michael said, and he walked out into the hallway.

Jeremy was too upset to stay away any longer. He layed down and drifted off in a matter of minutes, wishing he knew how to make things better.

 


	13. Michael

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy finally gets to go home, but that doesn't mean everything is okay. His father is still trying to deal with what happened, and Michael hasn't spoken to him in weeks. Will this ever end?

Jeremy was released from the hospital a few weeks after he woke up. He wasn't fully recovered yet, but his father had enough sense to know that further testing on what had been in his brain wasn't a good idea, and Jeremy was okay enough to be at home, as long as he rested.

Jeremy had no idea to feel about the situation . . .

One the one hand, he didn't have to worry about the SQUIP anymore. The nightmares were gone, he wasn't grounded anymore because his dad realized that none of this was really his fault (Jeremy still didn't think that was right, but that wasn't the point), and now he didn't have to hide things from his dad. He felt closer to him than ever.

On the other hand, Michael had made his feelings very clear, and Jeremy was sure that his dumb mistake had just ruined a friendship that he couldn't remember living without. Life without Michael was terrible, especially now that Jeremy realized that he loved him. It had taken him two SQUIP attacks and sort-of dating him to realize, but he really was in love with his best friend. Too bad it was too late to do anything about it. To make matters worse, he was sure the whole school knew what happened by now, and he had lost all of his friends because of the SQUIP. Christine was the one that hurt the most besides Michael because she really was a great person and she didn't deserve what happened to her, but even Jake and Rich being mad at him made Jeremy upset. He thought he'd have a bond with everyone who had been in the play because of their shared experience, but now it seemed that he'd ruined that. It was just his luck that his SQUIP would be the only one to rise up again . . . probably because it had been in his head the longest. Well, Rich had one for longer, but Rich had drank an entire bottle  _and_ burned down a house, so Jeremy figured Rich had defeated his. 

Jeremy and Rich were like . . . SQUIP veterans.

Spending most of his time in a bed gave Jeremy a lot of time to think, which was never a good thing. Mostly he thought about how badly he'd messed up, sometimes having flashbacks to certain terrible deeds he'd been forced to do against his will, and worse, to watch happen . . . those usually happened while his dad was out getting groceries, or during the middle of the night. He was supposed to wake his dad if he had a nightmare or if he was feeling afraid, but he didn't want to bother him, so most of the time he tried to deal with it on his own. Probably not the best idea, but . . . his dad was so stressed lately. Finding out that your son had an illegal supercomputer in his brain telling him to act like a jerk did that to you, he supposed. Besides that, there was the matter of the insane hospital bill. His dad had to start working again tomorrow, and though neither of them had really talked about it yet, Jeremy knew that both of them were wondering how he was going to be okay all on his own.

As it turned out, Mr. Heere had a plan.

* * *

Jeremy was laying on his bed, scrolling through Tumblr and trying to find better apps to play than Candy Crush, when his door opened.

"Dad, don't you have to go to wo--" Jeremy looked up, and it wasn't his dad in the doorway.

"Hey, Jer," Michael waved awkwardly. "Can I come in?"

"I-uh-yeah, sure," Jeremy stuttered, trying to figure out why the hell _Michael freaking Mell_ was in his room. The guy who had yelled at him a few weeks ago because he'd been an absolute jerk. The guy who saved him. The guy who had had a crush on him for who knows how long . . . the guy Jeremy loved. "W-what are you doing here?"

"Well, you need a babysitter, right?" Michael gave a dry chuckle. "I . . . I know the last few weeks have been hard on you."

"H-hard . . . hard on _me_?" Jeremy blinked. "B-but, no Michael, you're . . . don't you hate me?"

Michael sighed, looking at the ground. He sat at the end of Jeremy's bed, his glasses falling to the tip of his nose as he twiddled his thumbs. "I . . . no, I don't hate you. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I was mad, and I . . . I know it wasn't your fault. I was just . . . heartbroken, I guess."

"No, it _was_ my fault. All of it happened because I took that stupid pill . . . " Jeremy insisted. "And the SQUIP only did those things to you because . . . "

"Because?" Michael looked to him, a brow raised and his eyes full of curiousity.

"Because it knew that I . . . " Jeremy breathed, "that I liked you."

Not the best situation to give that information, but . . .

Oh shit.

Was Michael tearing up?

SHIT.

"I-I'm sorry please don't cry--"

"I'm fine," Michael looked down again, taking off his glasses and wiping his face. "Sorry."

"I . . . I'm sorry."

"No, it's okay, but . . . " Michael sighed, his profile clearly visible in the bright room. "You don't need to say that just to make me feel better."

"I-I'm not," Jeremy said, "it's the truth. I-I know it took me forever to realize it, and I'm so stupid, but it's the truth."

Michael didn't look at him.

"I'm sorry I put you through all that . . . I never wanted you to be involved," Jeremy sighed. "I was trying to keep you out of it, but the SQUIP . . . it would control me, and every time someone even  _mentioned you_ it would take over just in case you were there. I-it let me control my actions sometimes when you were around . . . but I was too afraid it would control me forever if I said anything to you that I never did. I'm sorry."

"When?" Michael asked, looking into his eyes as his brows lowered.

"What?"

"When did you have control around me?" Michael repeated.

"Well . . . I think when I confessed I said one or two sentences, but most of that wasn't me . . . and one time I texted you . . . and the only other time . . . " Jeremy paused, "was whenever we were kissing . . . f-for longer than like, two seconds, I mean."

"You . . . " Michael's nose scrunched up and his brows furrowed, "it let you kiss me? And you didn't like, break away?"

"I'm sorry, I know I should have, I should have stopped it and told you, o-or tried harder not to be controlled, but--"

"No, I mean . . . you wanted to?" Michael looked at Jeremy, his expression almost hopeful, but he looked as if he could shatter at any moment.

"Yes," Jeremy said with a slight hesitation. "I . . . it was easier to just focus on kissing you than to think about everything else . . . which is shitty. But I also . . . I also liked it. You're a good kisser, and i-it was the only time things felt normal."

"That . . . doesn't sound as asshole-y as I expected," Michael gave a dry chuckle.

"Yeah?" Jeremy looked at the ceiling for a moment. He looked back at Michael, "look, I know I've already said it a lot, but I really a sorry for all that I put you through. I know my apologies are never going to be enough, and I don't blame you if you hate me. I can't imagine how terrifying that must have been for you, and then you had to deal with everything afterwards . . . " Jeremy sighed. "I'm sorry."

Michael chewed on his lip for a moment, then cleaned his glasses with his hoodie, put them back on, and looked at Jeremy. "it _was_ terrible. But . . . I'll be okay eventually. I don't know if I've forgiven you yet, but . . . " he sighed, "I know I wasn't the only one suffering. You didn't want what happened to happen any more than I did . . . "

"Yeah," Jeremy sighed. "It's . . . it's scary to not be able to control what your body does. _Especially_ when you're hurting the people you love."

"I'd imagine . . ." Michael gave a small, sad laugh. "We're so pathetic."

"Yep." Jeremy nodded. "But . . . I think we'll be okay eventually, right?"

"We can only hope so," Michael gave a small smile, though it didn't reach his eyes.

"I know this situation sucks . . . I'm sorry that I caused it." Jeremy looked down. "But . . . do you think we could still be friends?"

Michael looked to Jeremy, and Jeremy honestly had no idea whether he would say yes or no. He had every right to say no, and every reason to, but then again, here he was in Jeremy's room, talking to him on his bed like they had countless times before.

"I . . . " Michael bit his lip. "I want to be friends. I can't imagine my life without you, Jeremy . . . I just . . . I'm going to need some time before things can go back to normal."

"Okay," Jeremy nodded. "Are you going to get a therapist?"

"I don't know if I can . . . I don't know how I would explain to them the situation I was in." Michael admitted, looking somewhat hopeless. Maybe resentful.

"Well, you know my dad is always here to listen," Jeremy offered. "He knows about it all . . . and I've already told him my side of things. I'm sure he'd be able to listen to you."

"Yeah, I'll think about that . . ." Michael gave a small smile, then sighed again.

"And . . . for the record," Jeremy paused. "I know that this was terrible, but I'm . . . relieved that everything romance-wise is clear between us. I don't want us to have a bunch of secrets. I . . . I wish I would have noticed sooner, is all. Then this wouldn't have happened."

"Maybe . . . " Michael seemed to think about it for a moment. "But, well, we can't focus on what we didn't do. All we have is now."

"Yeah . . . and . . . Michael?"

"Yeah, Jeremy?" Michael rose a brow.

"I know none of this was technically real, but I wish it was." Jeremy admitted. "Well, not the bad stuff, obviously, but . . . the dating part would have been nice."

Michael gave a small smile, then stood up. "Well, I think you should get some sleep. I'll be right over here at your desk if you freak out, okay?"

"Okay . . . and if you freak out, I'm here, too." Jeremy said, laying down.

"Okay.

With a smile, Jeremy closed his eyes, falling asleep more peacefully than he had in months.


	14. Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael starts getting help from Mr. Heere to deal with what happened, and Jeremy's condition improves enough for him to go back to school, where the people he loves and fears most wait.

Time passed by too fast for Jeremy's liking.

One would think that being cooped up in a bed would make the days drag on and on like snails, but they actually went by pretty fast . . . (Netflix definitely helped with that.) Still, it had been about a month since Jeremy had left the hospital, and he wasn't sure if he would ever get over the things that happened. Both he and Michael talked to his dad about it all, usually repeating the same stories, but the man didn't seem to mind. As long as they got whatever was bothering them off their chests, it was all okay. Mr. Heere didn't tell either of them what the other said, but once in a while, Michael and Jeremy would talk about things with each other . . . still, Jeremy knew that they were nowhere near as close as before. Never mind the lack of physical affection, now they barely talked once a day. Sure, Michael was in Jeremy's house at least three days a week to babysit (for lack of a better word), but he still had school, and he was still upset by Jeremy sometimes, even if he didn't want to say so.

Jeremy just wished he could fix everything. He wished he could magically take the memories away from the both of them . . . they were just . . . so _traumatic_. Jeremy still couldn't imagine how scared Michael must have been, especially since it had made  _him_ so upset that he'd been able to  _take his body back_. What that had done to Michael, he may never know.

However, Jeremy tried his best not to think about it, partly because his dad told him it was making his trauma worse, and partly because he didn't want to keep remembering it . . . seeing himself as the bad guy. It might have been a little selfish, but what was he supposed to be feeling? He wasn't okay . . . none of this was okay.

Michael and he had promised each other that they'd be honest and tell the other if they were feeling upset, which Jeremy took with a grain of salt, and he was sure Michael did too, because neither of them really said anything besides the few nights where they'd break down and talk about the same exact things before calming down with Netflix . . . it still wasn't very comforting, though. They used to snuggle up all the time for their favorite shows . . . now it seemed like they turned into stiff robots who didn't know how to love whenever they sat down together. It was hard to deal with, how the twelve years of building up trust and closeness were wiped away with one mistake, but . . . Jeremy knew it was his fault. Everything was.

Now, a month after being released, Jeremy was supposedly ready to go back to school.

He'd been dreading this day. School was sure to be full of terrible rumors, people who hated him, and awkward encounters around every corner. School was where Christine was. Where Jake was. Where Rich was. Where . . . where he'd see Michael every day.

It was going to go terribly, Jeremy just knew it.

Still, he wanted to at least apologize to everyone before they shut him out of their lives forever. He'd made everyone he had hurt an I'm-sorry-for-hurting-you card (apology card for short), which he knew would never be enough, but he at least wanted them to know how sorry he was. Still, he was pretty sure his small paragraphs would never be enough to show them that, but he figured he should give them the cards anyway.

Soon enough, it was 3 a.m. on the Tuesday he was supposed to go back, and Jeremy finally realized sleep wasn't coming. The teen stared at his popcorn ceiling with a nervous expression, trying to think of an excuse to never leave his room again. He knew he had to go to school and apologize -- and also continue his education -- but he also had _no idea_ how he was going to handle that. Heck, he could barely handle seeing Michael a few times a week, it was so . . . different between them. How was he going to handle seeing everyone else? And _every day?_

It was impossible. Utterly impossible.

* * *

The following morning was windy and went by much too fast. Gray clouds covered the sky, leaving no color in sight, and the whole world seemed grayer. The trees were barren (it was February in New Jersey, hello?) and a mixture of wet snow, hail, and rain fell from the sky, not showing any signs of stopping.

Not a good start to the day.

Jeremy's father drove him to school, a comfortable silence between them most of the ride as Jeremy nervously flipped through his envelopes to make sure he hadn't missed anyone.

Christine? Check.

Jake? Check.

Rich? Check.

Michael? Check.

As they pulled into the school, Jeremy's father turned into the parking lot, confusing Jeremy for a moment.

"Dad, you can just drop me off . . . " Jeremy said quietly, raising a brow.

"I-I know, son, I just . . . " he let out a heavy sigh, looking into Jeremy's eyes, "are you sure you're ready for this?"

 _'No,'_ he thought.

"Yes," Jeremy said, praying that he could really make it through the day.

"Okay," he paused for a moment. "I . . . I'm proud of you, son."

"Y-you are?" Jeremy blinked, trying to make sure he'd heard that correctly.

"Yes," his father's expression was serious, putting a hand on Jeremy's shoulder. "I am so, so proud of you. You have been through so much, and you're still thinking of others. And . . . well, I know I couldn't have done all this at your age. Or now, for that matter. You've been so . . . so brave."

"I . . . " Jeremy gulped, then nodded, "okay." Brave? He wasn't brave at all. He had been so . . . so afraid the whole time . . . he'd barely done anything to stop it until it was almost too late, and he'd managed to hurt almost everyone he cared about. Bravery wasn't anything like that. Bravery was doing the right thing the  _first time._ Bravery was being unafraid and selfless, not whatever dumb shit Jeremy had found himself doing.

His dad took his hand away, giving a warm smile and bringing Jeremy out of his thoughts. "Okay, now you can go. Call if you need me, alright?"

"Okay," Jeremy gave a small smile, mostly for his father's benefit, then opened the passenger door, pulling his bag over his shoulder and gathering the cards in his hands. He gave his dad a little wave, then took a deep breath and made his way towards the main entrance of the school.

* * *

When Jeremy opened the glass doors, three things happened.

Number 1: everyone immediately turned their heads and stared at him. He gulped as he walked in, trying to ignore the sharp gazes of people he'd never even met who were no doubt judging him. He wondered if his return had been hyped up by gossip . . . did everyone know what he'd done? Did they know about the SQUIP controlling him? Jeremy didn't know if that would make the situation better or worse, but he hoped they didn't.

Number 2: someone threw a paper airplane at him. He didn't know why, and he had no idea who threw it, but it scared the shit out of him, made him yelp, and caused _even more people_ to stare at him. Great.

And number 3: he heard a familiar voice yell his name. He quickly spun around, locating the source of the voice: Michael. He was waving, telling Jeremy to come over.

Jeremy prepared himself for death.

Jeremy rushed over to his friend quickly, mostly glad to see a familiar face, even if that familiar face probably sort of still hated him. "Michael, oh my god, I'm so glad to see you . . . this day is already kind of . . . " Jeremy didn't need to finish. He knew Michael at least understood what he was trying to say.

Michael just nodded, "yeah man, I get it. It's fine . . . " his eyes narrowed, "what are those?"

"Hm?" Jeremy looked down, remembering the cards. "Oh, these. I, uh, I made apology cards."

"Apology cards?"

"Cards . . . to apologize . . . " Jeremy awkwardly explained.

"Well, duh," Michael gave a dry chuckle. "Who are they for?"

"Uh . . . well, I have one for you," Jeremy took it out of his small stack, holding it out for Michael to take.

Michael looked at it for a moment, then gave a soft smile and took it. He opened it, silently read Jeremy's short message, then looked back to Jeremy, who was nervously shifting his weight. "Thank you for apologizing again, Jeremy. I really appreciate it."

"Y-you deserved it, man."

"Yeah . . . " Michael mumbled, seeming to look past Jeremy.

"Michael?"

"Sorry," Michael looked back to Jeremy for a moment, "I saw . . . well, the group is coming over here."

"The . . . the group?"

"You know, the Squip Squad?" Michael playfully rose a brow, then crossed his arms, the card still in his hand.

"Squi-- o-oh!" Jeremy turned around just in time to see Chloe, Brooke, Jenna, Jake, Rich, and Christine walking over towards him. He gulped as he tried to prepare himself for what might just be the worst moment of his life . . . er, if he didn't count the terrible mess this was stemming from, of course.

"Hey guys," Michael greeted them first with a small wave, standing next to Jeremy now.

"Hey Michael," Chloe didn't even look up from her phone. "Welcome back, Jeremy."

"Uh . . . hi, Chloe." Jeremy bit his lip.

"Hi Jeremy," Brooke waved, then took a sucker out of her purse, "here, welcome back."

"Uh, thanks?" Jeremy took the sucker and stuck it in his pocket. Why . . . why was nobody yelling at him?

"Hey, Jeremy, sorry if everyone was staring at you, I kinda posted on my blog that you were coming back," Jenna smiled, expression conveying sweetness, but she probably wasn't fully sorry, considering the views that blog post must have gotten.

"I-it's cool . . . " Jeremy gave a shy smile back, then his gaze trailed to the ones who hadn't yet spoken . . . the ones he'd hurt.

"Yo, Tall Ass," Rich took a step forward, and Jeremy immediately tensed. "Dude, chill, I'm not going to punch you. Well, not _now_ at least. Revenge is best when it's unexpected," he smirked, an evil glint in his eye. "Anyways, I understand the whole SQUIP thing, so don't be a pussy about it."

"I . . . okay?" Jeremy blinked. "I, uh, here," Jeremy fumbled, then handed Rich his card.

Rich rose a brow, "ooh, a card? Did you get me money, too?" He ripped it open, then frowned. "Nope. Useless."

"Rich!" Brooke punched his arm.

"Sorry!" Rich rolled his eyes, then rubbed his arm. He looked at the card, reading it in a voice that was much too high to be an accurate impression of Jeremy. " _Dear Rich, I'm sorry I punched you and hurt you and Jake. I was being controlled by the SQUIP. Sorry. P.S. you and Jake would be a nice couple so I'm sorry for ruining that._ Wow, Jeremy, such a way with words."

"I--"

"Also, Jake and I  _would_ make a nice couple, which is great because we're dating. And you're forgiven . . . by me, at least."

"I . . . uh . . . " Jeremy blinked, looking at the group in confusion. Forgiveness? What?

"I forgive him, too," Jake sighed, then gave a small smile. "But you're _dead_ if you mess with us again, got it?"

"Y-yeah, got it," Jeremy frantically nodded. "Uh, here," he handed Jake his letter.

Jake opened it and smiled, "thanks."

This was . . . going surprisingly well.

All that was left was . . . Christine. She was unusually silent, shifting her weight every few seconds behind most of the group, her short hair framing her face in the way that Jeremy used to go crazy for. She had her hands folded behind her pink A-line skirt, and she was looking at the ground.

Jeremy gulped, "uh, Chri-Christine?"

The group fell silent, parting a bit so Jeremy could see her better.

Christine looked up, her expression almost unreadable. "Yes?"

"I . . . I am _so sorry_. I . . . I'm not good with words, but I, uh, explained on the c-card . . . " he held it out for her.

Christine took the envelope, opened it with care, then read the card to herself. The air felt heavier. Time seemed to slow. Tension filled the hallway. Slowly, she looked back up from the card and gave Jeremy a small smile. "You're forgiven. I . . . I know it wasn't you that broke up with me that way. And . . . I know you like someone else now--"

"Micheal," Rich coughed, then was immediately pushed over by Brooke.

"--but I'm not mad. I think we're better as friends, anyway, right?" Christine finished, her expression sincere as she waited for agreement.

"Uh, y-yeah!" Jeremy nodded, smiling with relief. Christine gave a satisfied hum, then hugged him tightly. Jeremy didn't even have time to hug her back before she broke away.

"So," Michael coughed, "are all of us sure that there are no more SQUIP-related problems?"

"Yep," Rich nodded, "I'm totally fine, and Jake can confirm that I have no glowing and/or blue scars. He's seen every inch of my--"

"RICH!" Brooke slapped his arm.

"Ow!" he glared at her. "Anyways, the others didn't have SQUIPs long enough for them to take over like Jeremy's did, and Jenna disposed of all the punch from the play, which was where all the extra SQUIPs were."

"Okay . . . so, we're all good?" Jeremy rose a brow.

"Besides the trauma?" Chloe smirked, "just peachy."

"Amen to  _that_ ," Jake chuckled, earning a high five from Rich.

The bell rang, signaling ten minutes before first period. Jeremy gave a small wave to everyone, "well, that's the first bell. See you guys?"

"Yeah! See ya, Jere!" Jake smiled, then he and Rich headed off to who-knows-where.

"Bye Jeremy!" Chloe waved, then walked off with Brooke and Jenna, who also waved Jeremy goodbye.

"See you~" Christine giggled, then skipped off towards the auditorium.

Michael put a hand on Jeremy's shoulder, "want me to walk you to class?"

Jeremy nodded.

Maybe things weren't totally normal yet . . . but at least he still had his friends, even if things were awkward. They'd forgiven him, which he hadn't expected, but he was so happy they had. It felt like his fears and anxieties were so much smaller now . . . after all, with friends by his side, how could he not prevail? Besides, nothing could ever happen to him again that was as bad as the SQUIP. Jeremy knew that one day, they'd look back on all this and it would be a distant memory . . . eventually, he and Michael would be close again, and though it would never go back to the way things used to be . . . they'd make their own happiness. 

Of all the voices in Jeremy's head, he was finally sure that his was the loudest. No more SQUIP, no more stupid obsession with popularity, and no more denying who he truly was. For the first time in forever, Jeremy felt free. He felt happy. He felt . . . better.

* * *

**Jeremy's Apology Cards to Everyone:**

Michael:  _Dear Michael, I'm so, so, so sorry for everything I put you through . . . I hope you can eventually feel good again . . . I love you, man._

Rich:  _Dear Rich, I'm sorry I punched you and hurt you and Jake. I was being controlled by the SQUIP. Sorry. P.S. you and Jake would be a nice couple so I'm sorry for ruining that._

Jake:  _Dear Jake, I'm so sorry for everything I posted about you and Rich. I'm sorry if your reputation is ruined . . . also I'm sorry for saying you were gay because I don't know if you are and even if you are I shouldn't out you like that. Sorry._

Christine:  _Dear Christine, I'm so, so sorry for dumping you the way I did. And . . . I'm sorry for dating you in the first place. It only hurt you. You're an amazing, really pretty, super sweet girl, and you didn't deserve to be treated the way I treated you. I know you'll find someone great. P.S. I included $50 so you can get yourself a gift for the holidays since I sort of ruined that for you. Sorry._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! This has been a wild ride, and now we've come to the end . . . well, sort of. There will be an epilogue posted soon (yes, they'll finally be happy), and I'm going to be doing something very special after that, but . . . you'll have to wait and see ;)


	15. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy and Michael, now in college, are finally back at the level of trust and friendship they were before the SQUIP. Mistakes are discussed, feelings are talked through, and after what seems like forever, the boys finally seem to be happy again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before I post this epilogue, I want to thank all of you for your continuous support on this fic! It's the only thing I've ever actually finished, and while there were some bumps in the road, I'm proud of the overall product. This story has definitely changed a lot since the original one-shot was posted! Thanks again for all your kudos and reviews (even if some of them were keyboard smashes or incoherent freaking out and compliments haha), they mean the world to me! And make sure to read the note at the end for a special announcement!

_Epilogue_

* * *

Junior year was something Jeremy often looked back on. It didn't matter what mood he was in, or what he was doing; Junior year always seemed to sneak back into his thoughts, plaguing him with questions like  _"why didn't you do something different?"_ or  _"what would your life be like now if you hadn't been so stupid?"_ . . . it was majorly depressing, Jeremy wouldn't lie. But over the years, he'd learned to accept his mistakes, and he'd made an effort to focus on the present and future. He couldn't change the past, all he could do was learn from his mistakes and move on. He'd been fortunate enough to have friends who forgave him, though he'd still spent countless hours doing favors for them in an effort to make things right in the world again.

The group was still pretty close, though they'd all gone their separate ways. The bond that the SQUIP had given them -- the traumatic one, not the weird Konami Code bullshit that had temporarily linked their brains together -- was one that couldn't be easily forgotten, especially when it still affected them all. Still, that didn't seem to stop everyone from making the best of their lives, Chloe had gone on to become a model for Victoria's Secret, Brooke (who had gotten engaged to Chloe last week) studying to be a teacher, Rich had gone into the FBI and was still dating Jake, who was in school to become a lawyer while he played football for Monmouth University, Christine had gotten a major role in an off-broadway musical, and Jenna was about to be accepted into a journalism job for the Washington Post. Michael and Jeremy were attending the same college, just like they'd planned since the seventh grade, and Jeremy had decided to major in Telecommunications Management, not really caring what he did for a living as long as it kept him fed. Michael, on the other hand, was taking Computer Science classes, and he'd applied for an internship with an up-and-coming video game developing company, hoping to develop his own game one day. Jeremy was proud of his friends . . . and of course, happy that they'd all seemed to get their lives back on track.

Jeremy still wasn't sure about his own life, though. He and Michael were finally back to the level of trust and closeness they'd had before the SQUIP, but many topics were still left untouched, and neither of them had talked about the mutual love between them since Jeremy had confessed way back in Junior year. Still, Jeremy couldn't complain. His life was going much better than he'd expected it to, and he was lucky to have Michael as a friend in the first place.

But . . . he still found himself wishing for more, as selfish as that was.

* * *

"Jeremy."

"Huh?" Jeremy's eyes fluttered open, the looming figure standing over him unrecognizable in the dark. "Wha . . . what time is it? Is everything okay?"

The figure leaned down, and Jeremy realized it was Michael. With a yawn, Jeremy sat up, clearing the barely-used textbooks off his bed so Michael could sit down. Jeremy scratched his head tiredly, noticing that his alarm was showing the time as 1:23 am. Why had Michael woken him up in the middle of the night?

"Yeah, it's fine, I just . . . " Michael sighed, looking down for a moment. When he looked back to Jeremy, he looked right into his eyes, maintaining eye contact as he spoke. "I couldn't fall asleep because I was thinking, right?"

"Yeah?" Jeremy rose a brow, his tired brain still wondering why this couldn't wait until morning.

"And . . . Well, I realized that I never told you . . . " Michael placed a hand on Jeremy's, still looking into his eyes. "I forgive you. I think I forgave you a little while ago, but I never actually said it. So . . . yeah."

"O-oh," Jeremy blinked, taking in what Michael was saying. "A-are you sure you do? Because I--"

"Yes, Jeremy," Michael moved his hand a bit so he was now holding Jeremy's. "And . . . I'm ready to talk about it if you are."

"I . . . " Jeremy paused, thinking for a moment. He definitely hadn't expected this, especially not in the middle of the night while he was stressing about his mid-terms, but . . . this was probably the best thing to happen to him in a long, long time. Michael was forgiving him,  _sincerely_ forgiving him. "Yeah, that would be great, actually."

Michael gave a soft smile at Jeremy's answer, looking away and humming for a moment as he seemed to think of what to talk about first. Finally, he looked satisfied, and he clicked his tongue, looking back to Jeremy. "So . . . I guess I should tell you that even though I forgive you, I will admit that you did some pretty stupid things."

"Yeah . . . " Jeremy bit his lip, looking down at the sheets of his bed.

"Like beating the shit out of Rich and Jake, for instance," Michael said, holding up a finger. "Or breaking up with Christine," another finger went up, "or telling Jenna Rolan to put on her blog that you gave me a hickey," he looked at Jeremy with a mostly joking glare, "that was super embarrassing, by the way."

"Sorry--"

"Jer, it's fine," Michael promised, giving a small chuckle. "But no matter what stupid stuff you did, I guess I still love you and yada yada."

"Haha, yeah . . . " Jeremy gave an awkward laugh. "But . . . most of that wasn't  _me_ , you know?"

After a second, Michael nodded, "right . . . so . . . the SQUIP controlled your body, right?"

"Uh, yeah." Jeremy bit his lip. "I . . . I felt so  _helpless_ the whole time. And weak. I had to watch myself do things I'd never  _ever_ wanted to do to people . . . and I hurt you."

"Yeah . . . " Michael sighed. "I have to admit, there's a part of me that wants to just remember the parts where I thought we were dating . . . th-the good times we had together, but . . . " Michael sighed. "None of it was really you."

"Well, the kissing was," Jeremy reminded him.

"Yeah, I know . . . but the late night talks? The hand holding? The video games? It's so . . . so  _weird_ that all of it was fake." Michael admitted, frowning.

"I'm sorry . . . " Jeremy sighed. "I wish it had been real. I really do."

"I know," Michael bit his lip for a moment. "But . . . I don't want to dwell on the past. Especially because I . . . I had this  _feeling_ all along that something was off, but I was too caught up in the romance to really think about it. But it wasn't real, I know that. That's not what dating the real Jeremy would be like."

Jeremy gave a light chuckle, "yeah, that would be a lot more awkward. I'd blush at every brush of our fingers."

That caused Michael to give a small smile, though it didn't quite reach his eyes. "Yeah . . . But, I can't help but feel guilty, too. I feel like I could have figured it out sooner if I'd just  _paid_ _attention_ . . . I could've avoided the whole . . . bad part."

Jeremy's eyes flitted down to the bed, avoiding Michael's gaze. "Yeah . . . " he looked back to Michael, "but, you couldn't have stopped it. That was all up to me, and there was nothing you could have done. I mean, I'm pretty sure I had one or two opportunities to say something, but I was always too scared I'd mess up and be controlled forever . . . but again, that's not your fault." Jeremy paused. "Besides, we're okay now . . . right?"

Micheal took a moment to nod, "yeah, we are."

"So . . . " Jeremy tapped his leg for a moment while he thought. "The . . . the bad part--"

"I-I don't want to talk about that," Michael cut him off, bringing his knees up to his chest. "I know I said I was ready to, but . . . I-I've forgiven you, Jer, but I just want to pretend it never happened."

"Alright," Jeremy nodded, though part of him wondered if Michael  _had_ forgiven him. Was he still dealing with trauma from it? "If you ever need to tell me off or something, though, feel free."

"Okay." There was a pause. "Same goes for you, by the way."

"Yeah . . . " Jeremy nodded again, biting his lip. "Did I . . . do you know how I got out of it?"

"Out of the SQUIP's control?" Jeremy nodded. "No . . . you never told me."

"Okay . . . " Jeremy let out a huff of air, looking Michael right in the eyes and giving a half frown. "Well . . . I knocked myself out. I talked to it, in my brain, and i-it was really weird, it was like . . . the abyss? I guess my brain is just pretty empty," he joked, then coughed. "A-anyway, then I said some dramatic shit . . . and I punched it."

"You  _punched it?"_ Michael's eyes went wide.

"Yep," Jeremy gave a curt nod. "I punched it, and then I woke up, got drunk to keep it out, tried and failed to get my hands on some Mountain Dew Red, and . . . then I heard you coming back for me," Jeremy concluded. "Thanks for that, by the way."

"It . . . " Michael's gaze trailed along Jeremy's bed, "I'm glad I did it. I'm glad you're okay."

There was a moment of silence after that, neither male really sure what to say. What  _was_ there to say? Jeremy could only think of one thing, but he didn't know if it was the appropriate moment, and he was honestly scared.

But . . . if not now . . . then when?

"Michael . . . I know you forgave me, but I'm still so sorry." Jeremy started, squeezing Michael's hand that he'd almost forgotten he was holding. "I never wanted to hurt you, in fact, I tried as hard as I could to stay away from you so nothing would happen, but . . . " he closed his eyes for a second, keeping himself from freaking out or crying. "I'm sorry. I love you. You're my best friend, always will be, and . . . I failed."

Michael's expression was unreadable, and he didn't seem to know what to say or do. After a moment, he scooted closer and took away his hand. Jeremy felt his heart plummet, wondering what he'd said wrong. It was then that Michael pulled Jeremy into a warm embrace. Jeremy wrapped his arms around his friend, hugging him tightly as if he'd die if he let go. 

"I'm not going to deny that you messed up a bit, Jere . . . but I  _do_ forgive you. I love you, too, and even if it's probably not the most mentally healthy thing to do, I'll always forgive you eventually. That's what best friends do."

"Yeah," Jeremy whispered. He slowly broke away a bit, though neither one of them let go of the other. "I wish I hadn't screwed up, though. I wish . . . " his breath hitched, "I wish I'd realized how I felt before I acted so stupidly."

Michael just gave a small shrug, not maintaining eye contact, but also keeping his eyes on Jeremy. "Me too. But . . . we're okay now. Maybe . . . " he paused, "maybe we can try again?"

"Try what again?" Jeremy rose a brow, wondering if he was reading this correctly.

"Try . . . " Michael paused, looking almost scared to say it. "Try  _us_ again."

Jeremy blinked. "Oh." Had he heard that correctly?

"Is that--"

"Yeah! That's-- I-I mean . . . " Jeremy gave a nervous laugh, still flustered. "Yeah. I'd like that," he tried again, offering a small smile.

Michael's expression relaxed, his lips curving up into a smile to match Jeremy's, and he pulled Jeremy in for another hug. 

When they pulled away, Jeremy didn't want to leave the male's side. Then, hesitantly, as the feeling of comfort and joy surrounded him, he found himself leaning in, and Michael gave a small smile before leaning in, too, their lips softly pressing against the other's. The kiss was slow and sweet, meaningful in all the right ways and it lasted a bit longer than a couple's first kiss usually did (well, it wasn't their first, technically, but Jeremy had never actually initiated one, so . . . ). Jeremy pulled back just as softly, giving a dopey smile to his new lover before they laid down and hugged once again, neither one wanting to leave the other's presence.

They stayed that way for a long, long time, falling asleep in each other's arms just like they had the night Jeremy had that nightmare all those years ago. They didn’t separate again until the sun rose in through the dorm room window, bringing with it a new day and a fresh start. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, that was a wild ride, but I hope you guys enjoyed the story! Thanks again for the support! :)
> 
> Now . . . for the big announcement!
> 
> I've been playing around with this idea for a while, and after discussing it with my sorta-beta and one of my friends who reads this fic, I have decided that I am going to make a partner fic to this showing the story through Michael's perspective! It will be titled Things He Said To Me, and uploads will begin in about a month. Updates on Things He Said To Me will be much faster than this, since all the plot and most of the dialogue is already written, but it will still be worth reading! It will show you a few scenes that Jeremy wasn't able to witness, and it will also explain Michael's feelings and motivations throughout this fic. 
> 
> Sooo . . . yeah! I hope you guys will take the time to read it, even though it won't add too much to the existing story, besides showing Michael's views on things. I'm excited to write it!
> 
> Also, I might upload a chapter of my bullet point list of plot ideas if anyone wants to see it, as well as answering any questions you guys have for me, but only if you guys want me to! So please leave a review and make sure to tell me if you want me to do that!
> 
> With that, I guess it's finally over. Have an amazing day! <3


	16. Small Announcement (Not Part of Story)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things He Said To Me (Michael's POV) chapter 1 is up!

Things He Said To Me (Michael's POV) chapter 1 is up!

Find it Heere:  ****<https://archiveofourown.org/works/14380197/chapters/33203139>

**Author's Note:**

> Boom. First BMC fanfic. Might continue this, idk. Tell me if I should ^^  
> And yeah, it's full of shipping fuel, but you know, pining best friends can just be best friends sometimes.  
> :)
> 
> P.S. I love comments! Feel free to leave one! Constructive criticism is accepted and encouraged.


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